“I took advantage of a kid.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry. Do you actually know Xavier, and I missed it?”
“No. But I knowyou, and I’ve just witnessed the way you talk about him. You’d never touch someone unless it was reciprocated. You’re the most honourable man I’ve ever met.”
“I’m glad you’re here, then, because my character really needs a boost today.”
“Your brain needs that.” He grabs my shoulders. “Think, babe,” he says urgently. “Why does Jez want you away from Xavier?”
“Because he’s his son.”
“Oh, and he’ssobothered about that. Try again.”
“He doesn’t want me backing out of a job he’s lined up in Afghanistan.”
“Ding ding. You win a fucking prize. Hereallydoesn’t want that. The fact that it’s the last thing you should be doing doesn’t matter to Jez. Onlyhiswants. He’s also insanely jealous of anyone you hook up with. It’s only the fact that he has no power over me whatsoever that I’m still in your life.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Really? He warned me off you within half an hour of knowing you.”
My eyes widen as I scan his face.
He nods. “Yeah. And I’m absolutely positive he’s done the same with your other men. He hated James.”
I think of my ex. I’d seen him for a few months, the longest relationship I’ve had. It had filtered out into nothing in the end. “James wasn’t right for me.”
“Was that before or after Jez got in James’s head with insinuations about your frequent hookups?”
“Stop,” I say.
“No, I won’t. If you ask me, he wants you and represses it behind seventy tons of bullshit.” He lowers his hands, huggingmy waist and looking up at me. “Please think,” he urges. “What about Xavier?”
“What about him?”
“Well, doesn’t he get a say in this? You’re organising his life, after all.”
“He’ll get over it. It’s just puppy love.” I hug him, feeling his naked body slide against mine with a feeling of sadness, because I know this is the last time we’ll hold each other like this. “Thank you,” I whisper into his hair as he holds me close. “I know you’re looking out for me, but?—”
I break off when there’s a click at the door, and it swings open. I turn my head, and with a weary inevitability, I see Xavier standing there with a keycard in his hand.
His mouth drops open as he stares at us. We’re standing naked with our arms wrapped around each other and devastation crushes his features. Then he visibly smooths it away and replaces it with his usual snarky expression.
“Well, this is asurprise, I have to say.”
Grey pulls away to shrug into his clothes. I open my mouth to deny everything and tell Xavier the truth, and then a thought slams into me with the force of a blow.
This is the way to end things.
I’m no good for him. He’s too bright and too bold to be saddled with an older man whose hands shake and who can’t bear enclosed spaces. I would take him in the blink of an eye because somehow this week he became mine in a way no one else ever has. While I wasn’t paying attention, he found a part of my heart that will always be his. And the love I have for him won’t countenance him suffering from being with me. I can’t cost him a relationship with his father. I have to do this for him.
I know Xavier won’t let go easy. He feels things so fiercely, partially because he’s so young, but his youth is in his favour. Me breaking things off might hurt him for a bit, but it won’t befor long. He’ll hate me for a few weeks, and then he’ll be off to art school and he’ll forget me. I’ll become a distant memory he might examine when he’s older—a summer love. The thought crushes me in a way I’m not sure I’ll come back from.
But I don’t want him hanging on to the idea of me he’s formed. He can have a relationship with his father, meet someone his own age, and never know the choices I’m making today.
“Well?” Xavier snaps.
