“I beg your pardon?”
“He brought his friend with him as moral support.”
“That’s grotesque. He couldn’t even meet you on his own.” Her voice is cross.
I shrug. “It’s not so bad. The bloke is the photographer he works with.”
“Reuben Langley?”
“Yes. You know him?”
She tuts. “I saw an exhibition of his work in London when I went with your grandfather for his regiment dinner. They were extraordinary. So stark yet also beautiful.”
I feel a surge of pride. I have zero idea why. I hardly know Reuben, but somehow having his cock in my mouth has made me think I do.
“He was there then. We spoke to him.”
“Did you?” I’m surprised. It’s as if all my worlds have suddenly collided.
“Yes, he was very charming. Not consciously, though. More in the way that very honest people are. A very intelligent man, and kind, too, I think. It was in his eyes.”
“He is kind,” I say without thinking.
There’s a silence, and I groan. I can’t get much past my grandmother.
“Oh, Xavier,” she sighs. “Please tell me you’re not. That’s somessy, darling.”
“No, of course not,” I lie. The silence drags. “Really. He’s just been very nice to me.”
“Hmm.” She patently doesn’t believe me, but why would she? She’s pulled me out of a lot of scrapes over the years, so she knows me very well. “Well, please do not complicate that particular situation any more than it already is.”
“I don’t think it would matter anyway. Jez and I are not going to have a relationship.”
“I’m sorry, darling.” Her voice is as chilly as an ice pop, but I appreciate the sentiment anyway.
“Well, you did warn me.”
“I did, but I don’t believe you’ve ever paid attention to me, so it wasn’t disappointing that you didn’t do it this time either.”
That startles a laugh out of me. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, I must be off, darling. Your grandfather and I are playing tennis with the Coopers.”
“How lovely,” I lie.
“Try to pay attention to Jez, even if he is an idiot, and donotbe rude.” To my grandparents, rudeness ranks up there with spree killing and not paying your TV license. “Try to be nice and come home if you are not enjoying it, Xavier.”
“Okay.”
She rings off, and I lie back and pull the sheets around me. I love my grandparents and will always be grateful to them. They didn’t have to take me in when my mum died, but they did. They came for me, and they’ve raised me, paid for my education, and done their best, but the fact remains that my mum disrupted their ordered lifestyle, and I’ve just continued the trend.
I know they love me, but it’s a funny sort of love—steady and firm but never really warm. They pulled me out of so much shit, and no matter what I did, they never raised their voices at me. People would say that’s nice, but maybe they never shouted because they never cared enough. I shrug. But love is always good. Right?
My phone buzzes with a text. I open it.
Jez the Sperm Donor:We’re meeting in the lobby at 10. We thought we’d take you to the zoo for the day.
My lip curls. Does he think I’m five? And what’s with thewebusiness? Couldn’t be Reuben’s idea. He’d have suggested something I’d like, I think. Reuben looks at me like he wants to know me. When we talked about our parents last night, I’dfelt seen in a real way. The counsellor my grandparents sent me to had looked at me like I was a bug under a microscope. Reuben had looked at me like… Like he was the same as me, and he heard me saying what I’ve never been able to say. And heunderstoodme.
