“Ah, no one here. I caught the ferry this morning. They were all talking about it.”
“Is there nothing more interesting than my social life?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Of course not. It’s the first time you’ve been seen with anyone new, so you can’t blame them for being curious.”
“Well, he definitely isn’t new,” I say and immediately want to take it back when I hear his sharp intake of breath.
“Really?”
“Yes, I’ve known him for years.”
“Fergus says the lad was a bit under the weather on the ferry.” His lip twitches.
“Yeah, I’m not sure there was anything left of him by the end of the trip.”
“Ah, the Sound’s choppy at this time of the year. Ferries will stop soon.”
I wince. I haven’t told Xavier that little tidbit yet. He’s going to be even more bloodthirsty at the news that he might not be able to get off the island easily. It certainly won’t be like catching a cab in London.
“Fergus said the lad looked ill before he even got on the boat.”
“Oh,didhe? Fergus has become quite the chatterbox.”
He smiles. “Give the man a break. It’s the most interesting thing to happen to him since Layla Drummond got drunk and tried to dive off the boat.”
I laugh. “Oh dear. We have stiff competition, then.” My smile fades. “Yes, he’s been poorly. He’s recuperating with me for a bit.”
“Ah, the Mull air will do him the power of good,” he says staunchly. “Nowhere better.”
I’m inclined to believe it for Xavier. Honestly, anywhere away from the fashion industry will be a good thing. I’d played a good game, telling him what was going to happen, but it only worked because he was feeling ill. Once he’s up and running at full force, I have no way of directing his life. My wedding ring confers about as many rights as an uncashed cheque.
I reach up, running my finger over my necklace, feeling the small hump of my wedding ring. Xavier hasn’t seen it, and he won’t. I don’t need him knowing how pathetic I am, that what was drunken revenge for him has become the compass around which my life is directed. It goes everywhere with me.
No matter how many years pass, I can still remember with febrile intensity the way he’d turned up at my hotel room in Vegas. He’d been on a shoot, and I’d turned up making the excuse that I was meeting the photographer, who was a mate. In reality, it had been months since I’d seen Xavier in person, andafter finding out about his photo shoot, I went to a lot of trouble to be there.
He’d ignored me staunchly the day of the shoot, but later on, there’d been a knock at my hotel door. He’d leaned in the doorway, his face coldly inviting, and I’d reached for him as weak as ever, still hoping to see his face collapse into the old warm intimacy. But that would never have happened. Our past was dead to me, with no way back, no matter how much I wished it could be different.
We’d fucked furiously. I think we even broke the bed. And afterwards, when he’d normally be getting up and dressing, he’d lounged in the bed and challenged me to open the minibar. I rose to the challenge, a fatal misjudgement that had me waking the next morning with a nuclear-level hangover and a ring on my finger and its twin on his.
So, while I clearly remember Xavier’s face, mood, and intensity early that evening, the memory of our late-night wedding is hazy, the precious moment blurry and lost to booze. I would marry him at any time, but I wish the actual event had been done properly, with all the love in my heart, and have him feel the same. I’d even settle for remembering the moment I put a ring on his finger rather than the moment the next morning when he’d leaned in and said, “Nowyou’ll remember me,” and promptly left.
“Reuben.”
I jerk and look at Angus, who nods towards the counter. “You’re next.”
“Thanks.”
I edge up to the counter. “Ah, Reuben,” the postmistress says with a smile. “How are you?” She winks knowingly, and I groan.
“You too? Who told you?”
“No one needs to tell me. I knoweverything.”
“Well, that’s not even remotely disturbing.” Flora laughs, and I try to corral the conversation. “You have a parcel for me.”
“Yes. Tansy,” she shouts. “Get Reuben his parcel.”
Her daughter appears grinning at me. “Is it true you’ve got your own bloke now, Reuben?”
