‘I don’t know, I guess I’m not properly thinking about it,’ I said because I wasn’t, I was only thinking that ‘the end’ meant thebeginningof a whole new level of friendship between Ronan and me, the beginning of the story he’d already started to tell, the beginning of him giving it an ending.
‘Brendan?’ said Jennifer, shifting a little closer to me. ‘Will we, you know, still see each other after it all? When we leave?’
‘Of course we will. Yes.’
‘You’re sure about that?’
‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘Because I’ve wanted us to meet up outside school quite a few times and you’ve always managed to change the subject and dodge it.’
‘Have I?’ I said, trying for an expression of innocence.
Jennifer raised an eyebrow.
‘Like, why are we studying in the library when I told you my parents are working and I have a free house?’
‘How much studying would we actually have done, though?’ I said, raising an eyebrow back.
‘Well, I think that’s kind of the point,’ she said. ‘Or, is that not what you want?’
‘No, I do … want. It’s just …’
‘What?’
‘I’ve never … you know, done it.’
‘Well, neither have I,’ she said, blushing. ‘But I’d like to. It sometimes feels like I’m the only virgin in our year.’
‘Eh, hello?’ I said, waving my hand.
‘Well, do we really want to finish school without … Look, Brendan, I just want to know what’s happening with us and what’s in store when we leave.’
‘I thought you didn’t like speculating on the future?’
‘I don’t, but sometimes it’s good to have a plan, or at least know we feel the same about apossibleplan after we leave here.’
‘Well, it’s the tech for me if I get the grades. Can’t imagine your parents allowing you to go to the tech college though.’
‘Yeah, but it’s one of the places I’ve got an offer for too, but let’s cross that bridge after results. Anyway, don’t think I haven’t noticed you changing the subject again, you’re way too good at that. Why can’t we do stuff outside school?’
‘We can.’
‘Then why haven’t we?’
‘Because …’
‘Because why?’
‘I guess there is no “because”,’ I said. ‘It’s probably that I just need to say yes.’
‘I mean, don’t say yes because I’m telling you to say yes, kind of defeats the purpose if there’s something else …’
‘No, there’s nothing else …’
‘… or something that I …’
‘… no, nothing that you, it’s me …’
