‘Well, of course I was upset because of how we left things before Easter and then you didn’t even call me the whole two weeks when you knew I was dreading all that time stuck with my family and I would have loved for us to have done something. Or if not done something, because I knew how busy you’d be, then at least to talk on the phone a few times.’
‘I know, I just never seemed to have a minute.’
‘Not even for a phone call? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the last thing on someone’s list?’
‘What’s this list?’
‘Actually, in fact, not evenonthe list!’
‘There’s no flippin’ list!’
‘So you didn’t have time for one, justonephone call?’
‘No, I really didn’t, Jennifer.’
‘That’s so hard to believe, Brendan.’
‘It’s true.’
‘It’s not, there’s something else.’
‘Well … if I’m honest … I was annoyed at you … what you said … about me making the night of the formal all about Ronan and you being jealous of that …’
‘I wasn’t jealous …’
‘Well …’
‘I wasn’t jealous!’ She said it so loud that heads at the table behind her turned to look.
‘Then what were you?’
‘I don’t know what I was but I wasn’t that! I told you it wasn’t the night I had expected it to be, and I’ve been regretting it ever since because it’s obviously made you think I’m a bad person.’
‘I don’t think you’re a bad person.’
She looked around to see if people were watching.
I reached across the table to take her hand and her head spun back to me.
‘Jennifer, I do not think you are a bad person,’ I said with precision. ‘Why do you think I think that?’
She looked down.
‘Because … because I want you to make time for me the way you make time for Ronan, but because Ronan is … because he’s … I just feel like I can’t ask you for that because I’m … I’m not in the same position … as him.’ She pulled her hand out of mine. ‘How do I even talk about this?’ she said as if she were talking to herself.
Howdidwe even talk about this? I didn’t know either. I hadn’t thought of her side of things. Like me, she was having to work something out that she had absolutely no experience of. We were each other’s first boyfriend and girlfriend – because I suppose that’s what we’d become without either of us saying it out loud – and that was entirely new for us.
‘Jennifer, please look at me.’ She did. ‘I’m sorry.’
Her head was down but her eyes were looking up into mine.
‘You’re sorry?’
‘Yes, I’m sorry. I have no idea what I’m doing half the time when it comes to everything; how to be around you, how to be around Ronan, my parents, Ronan’s parents, behind thewheel of the car, flippin’French!’ I said, laughing, and she let out a reluctant little burst too.
‘Yeah, you need to seriously knuckle down on your French, it’s pretty bad …’
‘I know …’
