The smile on Ronan’s face dropped and his brows darkened over his eyes.
‘N-noo,’ he said emphatically. ‘Nah-oh.’
He took big puffing breaths and calmed himself down.
‘Sorry,’ I said.
He took a couple more and began to settle.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said again.
I didn’t want to push him, but he was starting to gain control of his emotions much more, taking charge of his own soothing. It gave me the confidence to gently ask him why.
‘N-nah … naht … say-mm.’ He breathed out and rasped in more air. ‘Naht say-mm.’
‘Not the same?’
He nodded.
‘Mee.’
‘You?’
He did a small nod and looked up at me, a little tearful.
‘I don’t want to share you with anyone anyway,’ I said to try and lighten things. ‘It was actually Jennifer who brought it uptoday. Also, guess what? I told her about working at Feeney’s and she didn’t freak out.’
Ronan twisted his head up to the right but kept his eyes on me.
‘Although, we had a bit of an argument as well. Not about the funeral home, something else … girls are complicated.’
Ronan did a stifled noise in his throat.
‘She said she wanted us to have a special moment together on the night of the formal. Just us. Do you think she meant … because how’s this having a girlfriend stuff supposed to work? Was I supposed to … or was she expecting us to … because I haven’t a clue … well, I know how itworks, but I don’t actually knowhowit works, you know, that kind of thing.’
Ronan was staring at me. Turning a bit red in his cheeks. Same as me probably.
‘Remember in second year you told me about your dad giving you the sex talk?’
Ronan suddenly let out a short chuckle and it made me laugh too.
‘My dad never tried that chat with me and I really hope he doesn’t try now. Can you imagine? Anyway, I don’t think I’m … I don’t know. You know the way I said I didn’t buy a condom from John McKeever? I actually maybe did.’
Ronan started laughing almost uncontrollably now. So did I.
‘I should bring it back to him for a refund!’
Now we were in hysterics, our eyes filled with laughter tears.
‘But seriously,’ I said through the ache in my throat, ‘ever since the formal things have been better, people have been kinder, which, Jennifer and me both agreed, is pretty much all because of you.’
He snorted.
‘No really, something’s different. When you were in school I know you got on well with everyone but it was never likethat for me; I was only ever happy when you were there and since you haven’t I’ve been unhappy the whole time basically. But after you got the award – people are calling it the “King Award”, by the way – so ever since you became “King” it’s changed. I don’t know, maybe it’s because people are talking about you to me all the time, it’s almost like you’re back again.’
Ronan was breathing steadily. He looked down at his feet, then across the floor at my feet, then his eyes slowly tracked up to my face.
‘Say-mm,’ he said.
