‘Miss, nobody told me what Ronan likes to eat now that he’s … he’s … because … well I didn’t know what to get him, I know he likes cheesy pasta but they didn’t have it today and I didn’t know how he could have ate it anyway and he also likes doughnuts but I didn’t know if he could eat that kind of thing either because it’s all sticky and everything and they only had the jam ones today anyway and then the other stuff on the menu was stuff he didn’t like and I was worried if I got him something he didn’t like it would upset him now that he’s, now that he’s, he’s like this now and I wanted a hot dog but I couldn’t sit in front of him and eat it without him eating anything so I got us a pink milk each and he did drink that but then he started screaming and Roberta took him away but she wasn’t with us the whole time and everyone was staring atme and … oh crap … I mean, sorry, Miss … I forgot to put our rubbish in the bin, the milk bottles, I know they were still basically full but it still counts as rubbish doesn’t it and I know one dinner lady who’s really strict about that and will definitely know it was me so she’ll probably report me to you, Miss, but now you know the whole story I won’t get in trouble will I, Miss?’
Those eyes.
‘Will I, Miss? Because I’ve told you now?’
Her face.
‘Miss, someone might have just put the bottles in the bin anyway and I’m worrying for no reason.’
Mrs O’Neill simply stared and I simply fizzled out.
‘Brendan, you may indeed incur the wrath of Maggie and her dinner ladies but I don’t think that’s what’s upsetting you. Am I wrong?’
I shook my head.
‘Today is a big day for you, Brendan. And for Ronan. And,’ she leaned in closer, ‘don’t tell anyone but it’s a big day for me too. I was excited for Ronan coming back but I was also scared.’
‘Were you?’ I said.
‘Of course. It’s OK to be scared. And, Brendan, I’m so sorry you were left in that position at lunchtime – that was really unfair and Roberta should have been with you. I’ll have a chat with her and we can work that out. Adults make mistakes too and we won’t let that happen again. We just need to get the hang of things. So, first off, does that sound OK?’
‘Yes, Miss, that sounds OK to me. It was only my first day.’
‘Of course it was, it was the first day for all of us, no one expects anyone to be on top of everything on a first day. Maybe I should have been there with you myself, Brendan; I should have thought of that. How about I join you both for lunchtomorrow? The three of us can go to the canteen and if Ronan doesn’t want to be there then we can come and have lunch here instead, just us, how about that?’
‘Yes, Miss, that sounds good, I’d like that. And, Miss, the second day has got to be better than the first day anyway, hasn’t it? Because … because it’s all not so new?’
‘That’s a good way of putting it, Brendan. Sure think of your first day here, joining the “big” school for the first time – remember what that was like?’
‘Yes, Miss; actually do you remember? Because I got a nosebleed when Ms Toner was giving her speech and it was actually Ronan I was sitting beside and he interrupted her to tell her and she told Ronan to take me to the nurse but we just went to the toilets because I get nosebleeds all the time and I know what to do.’
‘I do actually remember that,’ she said with a laugh. ‘What a first day. You with a bloody nose and Ronan not knowing what to make of you.’
‘I know, Miss, but he couldn’t do anything anyway, I can only really stop it by myself.’
She smiled and nodded.
‘I suppose a bit of company wasn’t a bad thing, though, especially with all the pressure of the first day.’
‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘even just to talk until it stopped bleeding.’ I could see the scene in my head as if I was looking down on the two of us standing at the sinks. ‘And we’ve been friends ever since.’
‘Best friends.’
‘Yes, Miss, best friends.’
I could feel the biblical flood starting to well up in me again.
‘I suppose,’ she said, ‘today is a wee bit like that first day all over again – all the pressure, except this time Ronan needs you. You might not always know what to do just yet, but simplybeing there by his side will be enough for now. It will definitely be enough for Ronan for now.’
‘I just want us to be best friends again,’ I said.
‘Brendan, you’re already best friends, that hasn’t gone away, it’ll just be that you’renewbest friends, because everything’s new.’
I couldn’t help but see the Ronan from before and the Ronan from today side by side in my head like a spot-the-difference.
‘I just wish, Miss … I just sort of wish that this was actually the first day all over again with Ronan as he is now and that I didn’t remember how he was before.’
‘Do you?’
