A sob rips from my throat, and he takes me into his arms as I cry. “No, Alana. I told you that Derek had his own vendetta with me. And I’m so sorry you got caught in the middle, but it wasnotyour fault, do you hear me? You were just a kid.” His grip on me tightens, and my arms wrap around his back.
“I thought,” I say through cries, “you hated me. I thought you were so mad at me for what I’d done. And then when the calls stopped coming, I thought… I thought you never wanted to speak to me.”
Parker’s head lowers, his chin resting on my head. “Are you kidding me? I could never hate you, Lana.Never. I didn’t call because I couldn’t. The last few years were rough in there, and I spent most of my time in solitary, but it was never because of you. Never. I was never mad at you, not even for a second. And I never stopped praying for you. Every day, I prayed.”
My cries become jagged, a sound caught between grief and relief. “I’m so sorry, P,” I tell him, my body shaking as I dissolve completely.
All the guilt. All the pain. All the years of blame I carried like a weight anchoring me to the darkest sea… I cry until I let it all go.
Parker held me close until his white dress shirt was covered in my tears. He rocked me like a child until I calmed down and drifted off to sleep.
When I wake up in my bed, it feels like I’ve been asleep for days. I’m both exhausted and refreshed, the way you feel after a nap that lasted several hours too long. Still, the air feels lighter, like the weight of the world is no longer dragging me down and drowning me. I can’t tell if it’s P’s forgiveness or his presence. Maybe it’s a mix of the two.
I stroll into the living room, where P is wrapped in a blanket staring up at the ceiling.
“What’s up, buttercup,” I asked in a sing-song voice. “How’d you sleep?”
He startles a little, then smiles lightly as he stretches his long body across the couch with a grunt. “Best bed I’ve had in years.”
I chuckled and made my way to the coffee machine. He stands and continues his stretch.
“Would you put some clothes on,” I tease, noticing he’s only in boxer briefs.
He laughs, scratching at his chest and his head. “I don’t have any clothes. All I brought was a suit.” He pulls a leg into his navy pants.
“You didn’t pack anything?”
He eyes me curiously. “Pack what? I left prison with the clothes on my back, twenty bucks, and a Nokia phone that surprisingly still had battery.”
I laugh. “It did not.”
“Nah, it didn’t,” he chuckles. “Looks ancient compared to what’s out now, though.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
“I gotta run to a store today. Grab a new phone and some clothes. Shoes.” He looks at his soiled white shirt and dress shoes. “Anything I could borrow in the meantime, little sister?” he asks. “Maybe that cute cat sweater you used to love so much.”
“Oh my gosh,” I say through a smile. “I literally wore that thing until it fell apart.” I laugh at the memory. And then a light goes off. “Wait, actually…”
I walk to my bedroom and sift through my closet until I find it.
“Here,” I say, tossing Parker the dark sweatshirt. “You can wear this for now, but I want it back.”
P holds the article of clothing up before pulling it over his head. “It’s like eighty-five degrees out.”
I shrug while taking a sip of my coffee. “Beggers can’t be choosers.”
“Should I ask why you have a man’s sweatshirt in your closet?”
I’m quiet for a long time, swallowing hard at the sight of P in Jake’s sweatshirt. I spent our first three months apart practically living in it, refusing to take it off until I had no choice but to wash my tears off it.
P raises an eyebrow at me. “Seems like there’s a story there.” He grabs a mug and pours himself a hot cup of coffee. “Care to share?”
For a second, I consider telling my brother all about the love I found. About the all-consuming way it took over every part of me. If anyone would understand, it’d be him. But just the thought of saying Jake’s name had my tongue tied and my eyes stinging fiercely.
“No,” I say instead. “Now are you gonna help me pack or what?”
“Definitely,” he says, taking a long sip from his mug. “AfterI borrow your car.”
