Except everything within me is telling me the opposite. I should be with her. I should be doing everything in my power to make her forget about that devil who hurt her. I should be able to take all her pain away.
But that’s the problem. . . because I am also a devil who hurt her.
Fourteen
Mavyn – August 21
Females should be more worshiped than they are. They should be bowed to like gods. Revered because we are divinity, we are the definition of holy, we are – “
“Delirious,” Jullia interrupts and I roll over to smush my face into my pillow and groan. “Are you sure you’re okay, Mavyn? You’ve been grumbling like this all weekend. I know you haven’t really eaten any regular food, but you said you’d be fine with enough blood and water. . . “
Another cramp seizes my uterus. They’re always the worst right when my period comes and right when it ends. Which wouldn’t be a problem, only vampires once turned no longer get periods.
Curling up into a fetal position, I don’t answer. No one has really questioned the amount of times I’ve had to go to the bathroom. I don’t bleed outright. . . or at least I can make it so I don’t bleed outright but I can only keep the blood contained for so long which means I need to use the bathroom at least once an hour.
That’s the only reason no one has been able to scent my blood on me. If anything I probably just smell a bit sweeter than normal.
I wish I had my things. I have a balm I rub on my abdomen that helps with the cramps and a tonic I add to teas to help with all the other side effects. It’s not monumental, I can still go to class and do my job – which I have been doing these past four days, but it’s still a bitch.
“I’m dying,” I groan. The words muffled by my pillow practically shoved into my mouth.
Jullia makes a distressed noise and I can hear her getting off her bed.
“Do you need more blood? Or is this a side effect from the poison?” Her anxiety is like a ball hovering right over her. “Want me to see if they can give me some pain relievers at the clinic?”
If only they would work.
Rolling back onto my back, I take a deep breath and blank out the pain. It’s not too bad, not like it can get. Pain-wise it’s definitely an eight out of ten, but my management of it is like a three. It hurts, but it’s a pain I can handle because I’m used to it.
Doesn’t mean I want to though.
Turning my head to the side I see Jullia standing in the middle of the room looking stressed. This poor girl, I doubt this is how she thought her university life would go.
“I will live,” I sigh. “And this just. . . happens. . . occasionally.”
Like once a month.
She relaxes and nods her head. “Is it a human thing? With all your anomalies I wouldn’t be surprised.” I hum. Technically, humans have menstrual cycles too. All females except goddesses and vampires. At least in some format or another. “Ah, okay. Did you need anything?”
I wave her off. She goes back to her bed to finish whatever homework she has. I made sure to do everything I needed to yesterday before I had to work. I have it off tonight and tomorrow night, but I’ll be back Tuesday after classes. That’ll be the start of my official pay period. The head manager loved my work in the arena.
Turning back towards the ceiling, I try not to think about that first day I had to clean it. Key word is try.
Stupid fucking demons and devils. Stupid fucking morals too because I highly doubt Thorne would have cared so much about the mark the devil left on me if it wasn’t because Thorne is a blood demon and they have “feelings” on stuff like that. Claiming’s and blood sharing and ownership and fated shit.
Deep in the resets of my brain I know it’s important. But also it’s all bullshit. None of it matters. Just because someone bites you doesn’t mean you actuallymarkedthem. And a true claiming mark won’t fade.
Except, of course, when the fangs are embedded with blue belladon and then they just can’t fade.
Motherfucker.
I’ve already concluded I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. To be honest, I’m surprised I’m still a virgin after everything with the devil. Looking at it realistically, I’m sure he was waiting till I was a bit older. Which is a shitty, disgusting, abominable reality, but it’s truth.
Then all the abuse in the foster homes and the sleazebag males who I could physically feel the lust from. You would think a strip club and brothel was the furthest place I would be, but Ms. Elaycia puts our safety and needs above everything else. And she’s never pressured me to go anywhere near those secret rooms or the stage.
Even the male workers Ms. Elaycia employs and the few she houses are only ever respectful. One of them, Caleb, I actually miss him too. Rosemary is like all of ours big sister and Caleb is like our big brother. The damn mage – of all things – is the perfect boy next door vibes.
And sure, he’ll flirt and play around but it’s only ever platonic. I canfeelthat from him. He never pushed past my limits. He also let me drink his blood. And mhm, light mage blood tastes like freedom.
