I’ve been told I sometimes smell like that flower. Like a deadly poison. It’s because remnants are trapped within my scartissue. If diluted an insane amount it won’t kill you, but that’s another reason I get so easily tired. Poison lines the majority of my body, flowing through my veins, sucking my energy dry.
Jullia finally makes a move but it’s to cover her mouth as a choked sob escapes her throat. Shit.
“Okay,” Asher rushes out, “I’m sorry Mavyn but Jullia is staring at you like – “
His words don’t even make it out as he had been grabbing for Jullia and already halfway turned. Olive green eyes track up my arms, over my chest, across my stomach. Modesty was a luxury I never got to learn, but at least I still have my bra on. And I know Asher’s gaze isn’t lust filled.
No. His eyes match Jullia’s, minus the tears. Though his had shown more horror. Snaping his eyes away, Asher pulls Jullia into him but she refuses to look away from me.
“Oh Mavyn,” she sobs. Grabbing for the long sleeve sleep shirt, I pull it on to cover the scars. “I saw the ones on your arm,” she hiccups, “but I just thought. . . oh my goddesses I’m so sorry.”
It may only have been a week, but Jullia feels like more than just a roommate. She reminds me of Cordellia and maybe it’s just because I miss my home at the brothel, but I’ve let Jullia take me in just as the girls in New York did. She feels like a close friend I’d want to stay close with even after we graduate. She feels like how a best friend should feel like.
Sitting in the middle of my bed I pull my knees up and rest my chin on top of them.
“It happened a long time ago,” I try to console. “It really isn’t – “
“Those are torture scars,” she hiccups harder. “Don’t say it isn’t bad or try to downplay it. Those were burns, and scars that had to be from other weapons. And those were bite marks, Mavyn. Scaredbitemarkswith fang imprints, at least a dozen of them. Don’t try to say it doesn’t matter.”
She pushes out of Asher’s hold and stomps over to me. Crawling onto my bed she sits right beside me and wraps her arms around me. Warmth envelopes but it doesn’t burn and a solid pressure of comfort wraps around me.
Asher watches us with an expression of disbelief, though I’m sure that’s more because of my scars.
“It happened a long time ago,” I repeat. Quieter and more detached. I can feel Jullia silently sobbing. Even as she holds me tighter. “I don’t even remember most of it. Except sometimes. . . “
“The nightmares,” Asher murmurs in understanding. I was positive Jullia had told him. Especially after the third time when I had woken her up because of them.
Yes. Those damn nightmares. They didn’t start until after the devil and mage who first adopted me had already died. Another remanent making it impossible for me to forget about those seven years in hell.
I blink and Asher somehow disappears from the room. Jullia continues to hold me with tears I can feel dampening the sleep shirt. I wonder how someone could have so much love in their heart, could be such an empath that their heart hurts for someone they’ve just met.
I blink again and we end up laying on my bed. Even though she’s slightly taller than me and definitely has a few morepounds of muscle, her head is tucked underneath my chin with her arms still wrapped around my middle.
There’s a reason I don’t like showing anyone my scars. Initial expressions are usually horror or disgust. Then pity and sorrow tend to work their way through. Ms. Elaycia had nearly had a heart attack the first time she saw them. Cordellia did too.
Then they cried like Jullia is doing. I didn’t know succubi could cry, but Ms. Elaycia did and then she took me under her wing and the last five years she’s been more like a mother than any of the other woman who’ve taken me in before.
God, I miss her. I miss her and Cordellia and Nana in the kitchen and Rosemary with her big sister vibes and Ana who never leaves the attic. I miss our Sunday brunches when the club is closed all day and the night markets we used to go to and family dinner.
That’s what the club was. Even if it does hide a brothel behind legal affairs it felt more like a home than anywhere else I’ve ever been. Ms. Elaycia would make some of the other girls hug me a lot too. She said physical contact was essential, not just as a sexual need but as a humane one.
Both the six beings of moral and the celestials need physical contact. It’s ingrained in our biology, whether certain races want to admit it or not.
I wrap my arms around Jullia as she continues to cry. I don’t know who’s comforting who at this point, but either way it feels nice. I wasn’t lying to Jullia when I said all this happened a long time ago. But even Ms. Elaycia would brush that off. She would tell me some scars linger even after they’ve healed and faded.
These scars, my scars, will never fade. Even the bite marks. That’s another cursed thing that damn devil did to me. In addition to powdered blue belladon that was imbedded into the weapons he used, he was able to somehow add them into his fangs.
I can’t die from the wounds since they were never fatal, but with the poison they’ll never fade either. They ache sometimes too. I wish I was back in my room where I had my herbs and tonics and creams. Nana would always help me make a salve to ease the ache of my scars. Help neutralize the poison for a time.
I really do miss them. I hope Ms. Elaycia is okay.
Eventually, Jullia falls asleep. Asher doesn’t come back to the room and I curl her body closer to mine. Using our body heat to keep each other warm and soon enough my eyes are drooping. I know I have homework to finish, I still need to look for a job, but it feels so much like home does. So I pretend, and I sleep.
. . .
I hadn’t felt when Jullia got out of bed or heard when Asher came in. Since Jullia had helped me hang up a blackout curtain over my window the only light is from Jullia’s window on her side of the room or her lamps.
When I woke up it had been dark, but I’m sure I hadn’t slept for all night and day. Until the door opens and in walks my roommate and her sister.
