I shook my head. There were times during winter when food had been slim but never were our stores completely barren. I knew hunger, I didn’t know starvation. And with a stream nearby, we always had water.
“At first, it’s just an ache in the throat. Then the need gets stronger and agitation sets in. Wait long enough and thedelusions start. A person will see water where there isn’t any. They would drink their own urine. People hungry enough have been known to cannibalize. Survival becomes more important than rationality.” He dropped his chin to level his gaze to mine and my skin pebbled. “Now imagine that times a hundred—a thousand. Imagine the thing that can quench your hunger and thirst being right in front of you. You can hear it rushing through the veins, you can touch the soft skin above it, the pounding of a heart starts to sound like a siren’s song. You start to rationalize why you should have it. You need it to survive. Youmusthave it. It becomes madness.”
I squeezed my pillow harder; the muscles tensed in my gut.
“At first, I tried not to drink blood. I didn’t want to. The idea of it repulsed me. But that’s when I found myself in those dark prison cells ripping into those men. Some part of me was rational enough not to kill just anyone. That’s when I went to my friend. It had only been days, and I was losing control of myself.”
“So she’s been meeting up with you every few days to give her blood for two years? She must be averygood friend.” Again, I wondered how she felt about him. That was true devotion.
He arched his brow. “She’s like family. Sometimes I still go to the prisons because I feel like I’m taking advantage of her kindness. I don’t like using her for blood. I hate that she has to hurt herself even if she has magic to heal.” He sighed. “She used to bring me a few bottles to store, but once you were assigned to me, I couldn’t risk you finding it, so our meetings had to become more frequent. As long as I have blood often enough, it’s only a mild bother to be around it. When you’ve eaten a full meal, your favorite dessert is tempting but you can turn it down.”
“After the challenge with Dred, you were different.”
He nodded. “I was afraid to leave you alone until the matter was settled so it had been too many days. With all the blood in that room, and my own fear that my wounds would heal too fast,and someone would notice. I was unpleasant. And I’m sorry for that.”
“You already apologized. And with the gift you brought me, I made something.” I turned and opened my drawer to pull out the bone carving I’d been working on. I’d finished it a week before, but I’d been nervous to give it to him. I pulled it out and ran the pads of my fingers over the intricate protection knot then the snake scales. I took hold of the thin leather strap I’d attached it to and held it up. “I told you I’d make you something.” I slid off the bed and took a step toward him.
That intensity between us turned icy. “Are you sure you want to come close to me?”
I steeled myself. This was Vander, my trainer. The man I’d been living with for a long time. There was no reason to be afraid. And to prove he didn’t frighten me, I climbed onto the bed beside him and held out the bone pendant. “It’s a protection knot we use in Neverglade. And the serpent is for your name, obviously.”
With a small smile, he turned it over in his hands and held it up to the lamp light. “You truly are talented, Bonecarver. Thank you. It means a lot, especially that you’re giving it to me now that you know.”
“Did you think I would turn on you?”
He frowned. “You should have.”
“Are you happy I didn’t? Nothing has to change. I will take your secret to the grave.”
“It scares me that you won’t be able to do what you must to survive as an assassin, and not because you lack the skill. But selfishly, I’m relieved you don’t want me dead.”
I placed my hand over his for reassurance. “It’s different and you know it.Youdon’t want to kill me.”
He let out a humorless laugh. “No. Quite the opposite.” He pressed the carving I made him into my palm. “Would you mindputting it on me?” He scooted forward, giving me space to slide behind him. I tied the two ends of the leather behind his neck, using one of the knots he’d shown me. I sensed his unease, the undercurrent of his distress bleeding into me. It was alarming when he was usually calm and collected.
I settled beside him once again and he grabbed the pendant between his fingers. “I’ll wear it always.”
“My mother said there is magic in this protection knot from a woman who... cares deeply for the man she gives it to.”
He smiled. “Probably even more magic if she carved it herself.” Quiet settled between us once again, until he finally said, “It doesn’t scare you to be close to me? You ran from me, you held a sword to me not even an hour ago. What are you thinking now? I feel like you’re handling this too well.”
Part of me was still in a state of shock. It didn’t feel real that he was a vampire. He was the same man I’d come to know. Nothing had changed but my knowledge of it.
“I was initially shocked and confused and in some ways I felt betrayed.”
He inclined his head as if to sayObviously.
“But I understand why you never told me. I wouldn’t tell anyone if I was you.”
“You’re still in shock. It will wear off, and realization will set in.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “You wanted me to kill you, and I chose not to. I’ve accepted what you are and it hasn’t changed that you are still Vander. I’ve been close to you since last summer. We’ve done everything together and formed a bond that I’ve never had with anyone before, not even my family. I think deep down I knew what you are. I had a dream?—”
“The dream where I bit you and you ran.”
I blinked, taken aback. “That’s one you experienced with me?”
He nodded.
