It’s been months since I last spoke to him. Fortunately Mother did send me his new number, but every time I call it rings out and goes to voicemail. Technically I don’t have to take this call—we’re in the middle of a meeting that’s extremely urgent andwe’ve yet to finalise a solution—but I need to wrap my head around what Ethan’s suggesting before I can tell him I’ll do it. Right now I’d refuse, and that’s not what Ethan needs from me.
“I’m well, Rajesh. Settling into the new embassy.”
I step out into the darkness, moving outside Ayo’s weather bubble until the cold air stings my cheeks. “That’s good.”
I wait for him to ask me how I am, but there’s only an awkward silence.
“Are you facing the usual diplomatic challenges?” I ask.
“Of course, Rajesh, but I am an extremely adept ambassador. I have been doing this job since before you were born. You do not need to concern yourself with such matters when you are off playing soldier.”
I close my eyes and pray for patience. “I’m not a soldier anymore, Father. I left more than a year ago.”
“You did? What are you doing now?”
I rub my brow. I’ve told him this more than once. “Ethan started a security company. We’re the BSG task force in Birchester, in the UK.”
“You are a police officer? Hmm.”
There’s a wealth of disappointment in that sound. I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for not going into the same profession as him, never mind that I served my country for years.
“You’ll like Birchester, Father. It’s very multicultural.”
“Perhaps, but it will be some time before we can visit.”
I stiffen. “Father, you and Mother are coming here for the Festival of Light. I sent you the hotel reservation.”
“I think I would remember that, Rajesh. No, we are returning to India for the festival.”
I tip my head back and look up at the starry sky, blinking away the stinging in my eyes. I hold the phone away so he won’t hear the hitch in my breathing and I allow myself a few deep breaths before I return it to my ear.
“Do you wantme to book a flight?”
“We can book our own flights, Rajesh. We are not incompetent.”
I stare out into the darkness of the manor estate, wondering if we’ll ever understand one another. “For me, Father. To visit the family with you for the festival.”
It’s less than three weeks away, but with Far Out Freight closing their premises in the UK at the end of the week, my time undercover there is coming to an end even if we haven’t concluded the investigation yet. The others can manage without me for a few days if they have to. Ethan knows I’ve been trying to spend the festival with my parents for years, so I don’t think he’ll object.
But my father’s silence speaks volumes.
“You don’t want me to visit?” I ask, struggling to keep the hurt out of my voice.
“We do not wish to burden your uncle. They are pressed for space as it is.”
I drop my chin to my chest, my heart hardening against the man who has never once shown he cares about me. “I understand. Enjoy the festival.”
I hang up without waiting for a reply and yell out my frustration into the night. I blink back irritating tears, because my parents don’t deserve them.
Maybe it’s time to stop hoping they’ll ever change. For some unknown reason, I’ve been stuck feeling a sense of obligation to parents who couldn’t even be bothered to raise me themselves. As a child I always felt like a commodity; someone to bring out at functions and show off, rather than someone they loved.
So why do they even matter to me? Should I really be willing to put aside a vital investigation that’s reaching a crucial stage for two people who don’t actually give a toss about me?
I pick up Jet’s scent shortly before he reaches me. He stands silently beside me and presses his shoulder to mine. Even with the bite of cold night air and his surprisingly soothing presence, it still takes me a few minutes to fully calm down.
Sod it. I’m done trying to be the dutiful son. If my parents bother to contact me in the future, I’ll consider whether I want to talk to them then. For now, I have other people who deserve my time and affection far more.
“Thanks,” I say, pressing more firmly against Jet.
