“When?”
I swallowed. “Tomorrow night?”
“Dinner?”
“Yeah.”
“No canceling.”
“I won’t.”
“And Aspen?”
I looked at the ceiling like there might be a better version of me hiding up there. “Let’s talk tomorrow before we decide.”
She exhaled. “Fine.”
“Ness.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
This time her silence hurt worse.
“Me too,” she said, and hung up.
I stood there with the dead phone in my hand until my brain started throwing everything at me at once. Vanessa’s voice. Olivia’s name. Declan’s hands. Roman’s face when he said don’t make me stupid. Tomorrow. Aspen. Laundry. Food. Did I eat? Cereal counted, except it was still on the counter. Practice tomorrow. Was it tomorrow? No, optional skate. Wait, was there media? Tessa sent something. Where was the text?
My skin felt too tight.
The apartment was suddenly too much. The hum from the fridge. The wet patch under my sock where I had stepped in spilled milk. The phone lighting again with notifications I didn’t want to read. My own breathing annoying me.
I opened Declan’s contact.
Stopped.
The rule wasn’t no texting. It also wasn’t use him every time my life felt hard. I knew that. He had structure, but he wasn’t a panic button. He wasn’t there to make the guilt smaller.
Still, my thumb moved.
Me: Off day is too loud.
I almost threw the phone onto the couch after sending it.
His reply came four minutes later.
Declan: Shoes. Outside. Ten minute walk. No headphones.
I stared at it.
No color. No lecture. No asking me to explain every piece of the mess. Just an instruction, clean enough to follow.
I put on shoes.
Then I stood by the door because my hoodie wasn’t there. It was in the bedroom. No, kitchen chair. No, dryer.
Laundry.
