“Worse.” My eyes raised to meet his. “I was prescribed opioids after surgery for an injury when I was fourteen, and then I began abusing them.” I decided to skip over most of what happened after that. “I’ve been clean for ten years, been able to steer clear of all addictive substances during that time, but I’m sure you can do the math.”
Austin’s jaw dropped open in shock. “Were you on drugs when I was born?”
“Yes.” I hung my head in shame. “I need you to understand that I wasn’t given a choice. Social services deemed me unfit to be your mother and stripped me of my parental rights. You would have ended up in foster care if Mom hadn’t adopted you.”
He shook his head. “I still don’t get why everyone lied to me. Grandparents raise kids all the time. Why act like you were my sister instead of my mom?”
Here comes the hard part.
“The man who got me pregnant—”
“You mean my father,” Austin cut me off.
“No, I mean your sperm donor,” I corrected. “He was a bad man. The worst, actually. He hurt a lot of people, me included.”
His brows furrowed. “Did he force himself on you?”
What did it say that it almost felt easier to let Austin believe he was the product of rape than to admit the true nature of Bodhi’s crimes?
“No. Not in the way you’re thinking, but he made me do a lot of things I’m not proud of. The reason I pretended to be your sister was because even as a little boy, you were curious about everything. Mom swears your first word waswhy. I knew you’d have questions about the man you share genetic material with, and I didn’t want your pure soul to be tainted by learning that man was a monster.”
Austin blinked at me through his glasses. “Does he know about me?
I dipped my chin. “He knew I was pregnant. That the baby was his. But he didn’t want to be a father.”
“Oh.” So much disappointment was conveyed in that single-syllable word.
He still didn’t get that Bodhi was a piece of shit and he was better off for not knowing him, so I decided to drive the point home. “If I hadn’t experienced medical complications and preterm labor, you wouldn’t have been born inside a hospital, Mom would have never gotten a call to take custody of you, and it would have been a miracle if he dropped you off at a fire station instead of into a dumpster.”
That did the trick. Austin looked properly horrified at the idea that his father would have discarded him like trash, leaving him to die.
“He passed away a long time ago,” I announced. “And the world is a better place without him in it.”
Austin nodded, still at a loss for words after learning the ugly truth.
“In keeping this secret to protect you, I ended up hurting you anyway, and for that, I am deeply sorry.”
He cleared his throat. “It’s gonna take a while before I can forgive you.”
“I understand.”
“And you’re still going to be Arizona to me. Mom’s my mom, and that’s not going to change.”
“She earned that title; she deserves to keep it.” I never had any intention of trying to replace her.
Earnestly, he asked, “Where do we go from here?”
With hope filling my chest, I replied, “I’d love it if we could be friends.”
“Friends.” He mulled it over. “Yeah, that might be all right.”
“Is it too much to ask for a hug?”
I fully expected him to turn me down, but to my surprise, Austin wrapped his arms around me, hugging me so tightly I could barely breathe.
And in that instant, I just knew we were going to be okay.
Chapter 30
