“I don’t have time for this, Mateo. Not when everything’s on the line.”
“What exactly do you mean bythis?” Mateo’s jaw was clenched so tight the muscle twitched, hands curling at his sides.
“Us. Whatever,” I gestured weakly between us, “this is.”
The second it left my mouth, I felt it. The shift. Like something cracked straight down the middle of our relationship.
Mateo blinked at me, like he was trying to decide if I was serious. “You’re…what? You’re just…done?” There was a sharp edge to his voice now. “Because you had a bad skate?”
Tears burned the back of my eyes, but I swallowed them down. If I let them fall, I’d take it back and I couldn’t do that. Not when I felt like this.
“I can’t do this right now,” I said instead, even though that wasn’t really what I meant.
Something in his expression hardened, the hurt sealing over into something colder, his walls slamming down.
“Okay.” He nodded once. “Yeah. Okay.”
Neither of us moved. Mateo stood there like he couldn’t believe what was happening. The expression on his face was almost my undoing. I couldn’t bring myself to take the words back. To apologize. All these ugly feelings brewing inside wouldn’t let me.Disappointment. Failure.
Mateo turned, dragging a hand down the back of his neck as he walked toward the door, each step too loud. Too final. Like if he walked out, I wouldn’t see him again.
Say something.The thought ricocheted in my head over and over.Fix it. Stop him.
My throat tightened, the words right there, but they wouldn’t come out. Not when every part of me still felt like I was failing. Like I’d only drag him down with me.
Mateo’s hand closed around the doorknob, pausing. He stood there for a second, his back to me, like he was waiting. Like he was giving me one last chance to stop him. All I had to do was say his name.
I didn’t.
The door opened, then shut with a quiet click that echoedlouder than anything else in the room. The second it did, everything in me gave out.
A broken sound tore from my chest as I sank to the floor, my back hitting the side of the couch before I slid down it. My hands came up to cover my face as tears finally spilled over. Hot, uncontrollable, relentless. Everything crashed down on me all at once.
“I didn’t mean it,” I whispered, but it was too late.
He was already gone.
35
EMMIE
“You’ve been moping for almost a week now.” Erin stood at the end of my bed, arms crossed, face stern. This was her fifth attempt to get me up, and judging from the look on her face, she’d accomplish it whether I liked it or not.
“So?” I mumbled under my covers. I didn’t want to leave this bed and face the outside world. I didn't want to face the fact I ruined something so amazing.
“Em, it's been five days. You need to shower and eat something more acceptable than cookie dough.”
I huffed. “Cookie dough is very nutritious.”
Marcy would kill me if she knew all I’d done was lie in bed or on the couch while eating junk food. Granted, I had over a month until worlds but still.
“I can agree with you on that. But babe, lying here and sulking isn’t helping anything,” Erin reasoned.
I popped my head out from under the covers, my hair sticking up in every direction. My voice came out small. “Do I have to?”
“Yes.” She didn’t even try to beat around the bush. “Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better after you shower. Plus, you reek.”
I gasped. “No, I do not!”
