Slightly awkward silence filled the space between us like it always did. I lifted my menu and grazed the options, my stomach rolling enough that I didn’t feel hungry.
“What do you usually get here?” he asked a moment later.
“The omelets are really good, and so are the French toast and pancakes.”
“I remember you used to only ever order French toast wherever we went. I swear that was the only thing you’d eatwhen you were six.” I chuckled alongside him, remembering that. It was a phase.
“I refused to eat it for like a year after the craze died down.”
“You would pretty much demand that it be the only thing the two of us eat.”
Across from me, my dad shook his head, lines near his eyes and lips crinkled. While he read the menu, I found myself really looking at him, noting the silver gracing the sides of his temples and beard. There were more prominent wrinkles on his face that weren’t there when I was younger.
He wasn’t old, not by a long shot, but seeing the gray hairs really drove home that he wasn’t getting any younger. That I could be losing precious time with him.
When the waitress came by the table to get our order, I found myself telling her I wanted French toast, nostalgia curling in my chest. When she turned to my dad, he ordered the same thing without hesitation. The small familiarity of it made something ache inside of me.
“Congratulations on winning the first game of the season,” I said after the waitress left.
“Thank you. The team played really well.” My dad rested his arms on the table. “It means a lot that you came.”
His green eyes, the exact replica of mine, flashed with quiet emotion, like my presence meant more to him than he was able to say out loud.
“I forgot how much fun games are,” I admitted. “The fans are a bit crazy.”
“They can get spirited, huh?”
Conversation lagged after that, neither of us really knowing what to say. Years of dancing around each other did that.
“Dad, I…” I wrapped my hands around the glass filled with orange juice. Here, in the back corner, most of the conversations were muted, so it was like the two of us were in our own bubble.
I steeled my spine, jumping headfirst. “I think we need to have a talk,” I finally got out.
“Oh?”
“For years now, things between us have been…strained.” He opened his mouth to say something, probably to protest, but I quickly continued. “You can say otherwise, but we both know it is.”
He was quiet for a moment before he let out a deep sigh that sounded tired and almost resigned. “I know I’m the one who messed things up.” His fingers tapped lightly against the table before stilling. “I know I wasn’t around the way I should’ve been as you got older.”
My chest tightened. Hearing him admit it so plainly wasn’t something I expected.
“I know it's no excuse but,” he rubbed the back of his neck, searching for the right words, “as you got older, it seemed like you didn’t need me anymore. It was like I became the annoying guy you didn’t want around, instead of the dad that you spent time with. I guess it felt like you had everything handled and didn’t need me around as much.”
A short laugh slipped out of me, but there was no humor in it. “Did you ever consider maybe I acted like that because I didn’t have a choice?”
His brows pulled down, hands clasped in front of him.
“You chose football,” I said quietly. “Every time. Games, practices, recruiting trips—it was always football. And after a while, it felt like I was just…second to it.” The words I always held back finally slipped free.
I met his eyes. “As soon as you got this head coaching job with the Titans, nothing else but them mattered, including me.”
The words hung heavy between us. My dad leaned back, absorbing it as his jaw worked.
“I never meant for it to feel that way,” he said. “But the truth is…I probably did choose it more than I should’ve.”
His honesty hit me directly in the chest, almost stealing my breath. For a while, I thought I had made it all up in my head, that I was just projecting that my dad picked football over me, and I was being dramatic. To hear that I didn't felt like a punch to the gut.
“Emmie, raising you has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I’d choose it again in a heartbeat.” He said it fiercely, like he needed me to believe him. “When I got the coaching job, it surprised me…but it also brought back the dream I’d carried as a kid. And suddenly, I had the chance to go for it.”
