“I did?” He looks down at himself in shock. “I did! Why?”
“Who knows why you do anything you do, Kalen. Come on.”
“Let’s dance!” He grabs my hands again and spins me around. It makes me feel sick but I go with it, using our momentum to manoeuvre us towards my building. We dance inside, up the stairs and along the corridor towards my room, Kalen randomly blurting butchered lines from songs the whole way.
“Dance to my music!”
I know Adrianne said he would piss himself but honestly, there’s fewer stairs to my room than his so I’ll just take one for the team and have him in my bed tonight.
“All I wanna do is dance!”
He ricochets me off the walls with so much force I know I’m going to be covered in bruises tomorrow.
“Safety dance! Safety dance! Safety dance!”
“Kalen, shut up!” I hiss. “You’re gonna wake the whole damn building!”
“Good! Then we can PARTY!”
He hammers on bedroom doors as we pass, and I’m not ashamed to resort to violence and dirty tactics to shut him up. I smack his shoulder.
“I thought you were a one man party? I don’t want everyone coming out to ogle my naked boyfriend right now, I want you all to myself.”
He grins lasciviously, then his face falls. “I forgot I was naked. Again.”
“Come on, we’re almost there.”
“Amelie?”
“Yeah?”
“I hear footsteps. I think we’re being followed.”
“Kalen, it’s our footsteps you can hear. We’re walking.”
“Oh fuck…Amelie?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t feel so well.”
“Okay, hold on, my room’s just—” I leap back with a curse as Kalen empties his bladder in the hallway, all over the floor and my shoes.
“Oh my god!” he whimpers, close to tears.
“That’s fucking gross.”
“You thought it was cute when Momo did it!”
“I did not. I said he can’t help it.”
“I can’t help it. I need to go again. Oh my god, I can’t control it! Help!”
We race to my room, Kalen leaving a trail of piss in his wake. Fuck my life. Why did I think this was a good idea? I’m going to kill Adrianne.
I let us into my room and quickly usher Kalen into the bathroom while he’s not pissing for a second. I dump him on the toilet and crank on the shower, while he complains about having to do “lady wees” – whatever the fuck he means by that.
I strip off my piss-covered shoes and dump them in the bin. Elsie will buy me new ones anyway. And then I notice that the edge of my dress is damp, so that goes too. Fuck it. I’m just going to have a quick shower to freshen up while Kalen’s on the loo,and then he can shower. I wonder if I need to put plastic sheeting or a towel or something on my bed, or if I just make him sleep in the tub tonight.
