They watch the rest of the movie in silence, but inside, Trevor is screaming. He wants to scream out loud his frustrations with the entertainment industry, and Carmichael Records, and their old management. His frustrations with himself, really, for going along with what they all wanted and pushing away the man he loved.
He wants to say,I’m sorry. Wants to shout it, cry it, gasp it out. He wants Skyler to hear and understand. He wants to go back and do it all differently.
But he keeps everything inside. Doesn’t even look at Skyler. Which should tell him, probably, that if hecouldgo back, he still wouldn’t have the guts to do it right.
So yeah, what he’s most frustrated with is himself.
Chapter Fifteen
Before
SKYLER
The tour was passingby in a blur of singing and fucking. Whenever they weren’t onstage, every chance they got, every minute alone, Skyler and Trevor made the most of it. If you’d told Skyler a couple years ago that, at eighteen, he’d be performing shows all over the world and having regular sex with his boyfriend who was in love with him, he wasn’t sure which of those things he would have believed less.
And the sex just kept getting better. The way Trevor had learned Skyler’s body, studied it until he knew every detail, every single way to make him see stars, made it hard to believe Trevor was ever a bad student in school.
In the shower now, Skyler poked at himself while Trevor carefully washed his hair for him. Tiny yellow bruises dotted his hips, the result of Trevor using them for leverage as he’d taken him from behind last night. Trevor had already apologized profusely as soon as he spotted them, but Skyler secretly loved them. They were little reminders of who he belonged to. They were Trevor marking him as his.
When they finished up, Trevor was the first to get dried and dressed, so he went to lounge on their king-sized hotel bed. It took Skyler longer since he needed to blow dry his hair, otherwise it would poof up too much. But he hurried to finish, because the whole band and crew were meeting soon for a holiday dinner at the hotel’s fancy restaurant, and he wanted more private time with Trevor first.
He still couldn’t believe their national tour had been expanded to a world tour because of the intense demand from international fans. It was amazing, but unfortunately, it meant spending Christmas in Sweden, rather than at home with their families.
Skyler had tried not to throw a tantrum about it. He’d already sent a ton of presents to his family, grateful to have the money to spoil them. But he didn’t get to decorate the tree with them. Didn’t get to argue with Layla over which homemade ornament looked better where.
If he couldn’t be with his family for the holidays though, at least he was with Trevor, who’d ensured he didn’t spend the week crying into a mug of hot chocolate.
Since they were staying in the same hotel for five days, to get Skyler in the holiday spirit, Trevor had run out on their first night here and come back with multicolored lights to hang around their room. And this afternoon, because Skyler had mentioned his family’s tradition of going ice skating on Christmas Eve, Trevor had performed a miracle and taken him to a little outdoor rink. It was like something out of a movie, with adorable fairy lights strung up, and Skyler had used the ruse of his clumsy giraffe legs (okay, maybe not entirely a ruse) as an excuse to hold Trevor’s hand the entire time.
It had been nice to feel like a normal couple for a bit, but he knew kissing Trevor in public would be pushing it. They hadn’t expressly been forbidden by Maggie, but Skyler had heard enough of her “concerned” speeches by now to understand their management’s stance on their relationship.
Do what you want in private but remember your role in public.
Well they weren’t in public now, and he intended to take advantage of it.
He practically skipped out of the bathroom when he was finished and found Trevor propped on the bed, legs pulled up toward his chest.
Sitting down cross-legged beside Trevor’s feet, Skyler was trying to decide which part of Trevor he wanted to kiss first, when Trevor said, “I have something for you.”
He raised an eyebrow. They’d agreed on no Christmas presents.
“I know,” Trevor said, reading his mind. “But I couldn’t help it.” He leaned over to open the nightstand and pulled out a very tiny black box with a green bow on top.
Skyler’s mind raced as Trevor took his hand and placed the box in his palm.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” Trevor asked, his voice betraying a hint of nervousness that snapped Skyler out of his head.
He carefully peeled off the bow and stuck it into his hair by his temple. It would be a bitch to get out, but the endeared smile Trevor gave him was worth it. Pulling the lid off the box, he found a thick silver ring nestled inside, and his breath caught in his throat. He glanced at Trevor, whose eyes were glued on him. “It’s…” he started but couldn’t find the rest of the words he needed. “Oh my god.”
It was beautiful. But it was more than that.
A tiny heart was etched into the front of the band, and taking it out of the box, he realized there was something engraved on the inside. A date.
He looked at Trevor curiously as he held the ring in his fingers. “That isn’t our anniversary.”
“It’s the day we met,” Trevor explained, sliding his legs out straight and using them to bracket Skyler’s body. “That was the day my entire life changed. The day the universe gave me everything I never even knew I needed. It was, uh.” He hesitated, as if suddenly unsure of himself, and Skyler simply couldn’t have that, so he reached out and rubbed Trevor’s knee. Trevor smiled shyly. “It was the day my heart left my body and moved into yours. I wanted to make sure you know you have it so… so you can take care of it.”
Skyler was speechless. He held eye contact with his incredible boyfriend as he slowly slid the ring onto the middle finger of his left hand. He’d never worn jewelry before, but. “It’s perfect.” He gave Trevor his happiest smile. “And I promise I’ll take care of it. Always. I’ll never let it go.”
