But.
Trevor should help pay the bills for the house he’s essentially living in, true. This, though? This is different. This is something legally tying them together when Trevor doesn’t know if they’re ready for it.
The seed of doubt grows just enough to lend voice to a terrible thought.
What if it doesn’t work out between us?
He can’t say it out loud, because he doesn’t want Skyler to know he has any doubts. He shouldn’t. And he doesn’t want to listen to them. So he says, “I’m going to think about it, okay?”
Skyler kisses his temple and lets his lips linger there, murmuring into Trevor’s skin, “Okay.”
Skyler holds him another minute, making the doubts almost disappear. But later, as Trevor’s in bed beside Skyler trying to fall asleep, he’s not thinking about Skyler’s offer, but about Oli’s wedding instead. Because Skyler’s mint green suit hangs on the door to the walk-in closet, right in his line of sight.
They’re both groomsmen, along with Jermaine and Noah, but they were told to wear whatever they want. Still, Trevor had to talk Skyler out of wearing a white, floral-patterned suit. Actually, he had to get Oli to call and tell him that Megan will kill him if he upstages her.
He and Skyler have been doing so well together. But what’s going to happen when they go to this big event and have to deal with an awkward Boys Will Be Boys reunion, while also pretending to everyone else that they’re not a couple? What if it’s triggering for Skyler? Reminds him of all the bad times, all the hiding. All the times Trevor couldn’t give him what he wanted.
They fell apart under the pressure once before. Trevor needs to make sure that doesn’t happen this time.
Because you don’t understand everything you have to lose until you lose it all.
Now he knows far too well.
And he’s not willing to lose his entire heart again.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Before
SKYLER
Skyler was hungover, andyeah, he was pretty sure it was the middle of the day, but Trevor should still have some sympathy and quit slamming cabinet doors.
He managed to roll out of bed and throw some clothes on with his eyes half closed, then he stumbled into the kitchen and croaked out a, “What the hell are you doing?”
“Trying to make lunch,” Trevor said without turning to face him.
“You need every cabinet open for that?” he asked.
“I can’t find the stupid thing.”
He rubbed at his temples, wishing Trevor would talk quieter. “What thing?”
“Thething!” Trevor yelled, his voice getting shrill enough on the end to make Skyler cringe. “For the stupid avocados you like so much. You know, to make the stuff?”
“Huh?”
Trevor finally turned around, but not before slamming one more cabinet closed. “You know what? I don’t need your help, I can do it myself. Just go back and pass out again and ignore me. It’s what you’re good at.”
What the fuck?
“What are you talking about?” Skyler asked, taking a few steps farther into the kitchen until he and Trevor were standing on opposite sides of the island. “Why are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“You’re clearly mad.”
Trevor slammed his fist down on the counter so suddenly it made him jump. “Yes, fine. I’m mad that I had to wake up early this morning and go down to the studio to record my vocals for the fourth time for the second stupid remix of that damn song, because they have to find a way to milk every penny out of a song until it sucks, and because they’re never satisfied and they act like I can’t sing for shit, even though I’ve been in this band for five years now.”
