But he can’t move. Because something’s about to happen, he knows it. He knows Trevor, and after Trevor kissed him in the elevator, he knows Trevor wants all of this as much as he does. He doesn’t understand what’s holding him back.
As they sit there not saying anything but not pulling away from each other either, Skyler grows more frustrated. He’s tried the gentle approach, and it hasn’t worked. Trevor’s holding back his feelings, and it’s getting harder and harder for Skyler not to spill out his own. Lay them all on Trevor even if it’s too much.
The last five years have been good to him. He’s achieved more success than he ever could have dreamed of. But something’s been missing. Skyler knows—he’s always known—that the missing piece was Trevor. No amount of success, money, or fame has ever been able to fill the hole Trevor left in his heart.
And god, that’s such a cliché. If his songwriters tried to put something like that in one of his songs, he’d refuse. But it’s so damn true.
He’s gone five years without Trevor being his, and suddenly he can’t go one more minute. So he takes the big swing.
“I know you still love me.”
He sees the exact moment his words hit Trevor. Because Trevor breaks, a gut-wrenching sob torn out of him as his tears finally spill over.
And then.
“Of course I still love you!” Trevor yells through the tears. “I never stopped fucking loving you!”
Skyler blinks at him. Time stops.
In all the ways he’s imagined hearing those words, it was never like that, with Trevor so upset about it.
“So then…” he starts, not knowing where to go.
“I lose everyone I love!” Trevor sucks in air and swipes harshly at his cheeks. “Don’t you get that? I can’t do this again just to lose you again.”
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Fuck.
He’s such an idiot. He should have known.
“But you didn’t lose me,” he says slowly, wishing desperately that he could erase the pain from Trevor’s face, take it all away from him even if he has to put it on himself. “I’m right here.”
Trevor takes a couple slow breaths, making a visible effort to calm down. “But you were gone.For five years.Losing you was the hardest thing that’s ever happened to me, harder than losing my mom. And I know how awful that sounds, it’s so fucked up. But at least when I lost her, I had you to help me get through it. When I lost you, I had no one.”
Hearing that, even though it’s something Skyler’s already thought about before, is like a punch to the gut. He could be bitter, could mention that Trevor actually had Sierra then. But he’s past that now. He’s over any bitterness or anger. All he feels for Trevor is love.
“You’re right,” he says. “I was gone, and I’m sorry for that. I should have been there for you always. God, you have no idea, I don’t know how I can ever possibly explain how sorry I am. But you know what? You may have lost me once, but not everything that’s lost is gone forever. Sometimes lost things can be found again.”
Shit, there he goes with more cliches. Is he really a multiple-Grammy winning songwriter?
Trevor’s lip quirks up a tad, like he may be thinking something similar. And that’s fine, he can make fun of him as long as he’s smiling. But then he sighs and asks, so quietly Skyler has to lean in, “What about lost people?”
“Definitely lost people can be found again. Like I said, I’m right here, aren’t I?”
“What if I’m not talking about you?”
And Skyler gets it then. When they broke up, Trevor didn’t only lose Skyler. He lost himself. Maybe he feels like he’s still lost.
“Trevor.” He scoots closer until there’s barely any breathing room between them. “You’re the sun.You could never be lost forever. Your soul shines way too brightly for that.”
Seriously, he sounds like such a freaking cornball. But he doesn’t even care. Because this is important. It’s important that Trevor understands how he sees him, what he means to him. And besides, the list of sappy shit they’ve said to each other over the years is already ridiculously long. Might as well add some more.
“And if you’re ever having trouble finding yourself,” he goes on, “ask me for help. Because I can see you. I’ll always see you, always find you. You’re the brightest thing in my sky.”
Trevor sniffles and offers him the barest hint of a smile. “I think you’re the only person who sees me that way.”
