“It’s just a game,” I tell Coach Blake. “It’s just a fucking game. Lucas is your son—the only one you have left.”
“He’s turned you against me, Hunter. And after everything we’ve done for you, everything we’ve given you. Without me, you would be—”
“Exactly where he is now!” Lucas shouts.
“Lower your voice.” Coach Blake’s gaze darts around, but my house is private and back from the road.
“Hunter is who he is because of his love for the game, his work ethic, his talent. But you wanted him to believe it’s because of you, because that gave you power, just like you wanted Ellis to believe you would love him more, love him better because he gave you Hunter. We’re all just fucking pawns to you, people you play with, manipulate to get what you want. You did nothing for Hunter that he couldn’t do for himself. You turned your back on me, and you showed Ellis your love was conditional. He spent his whole fucking life trying to make up for not being good at football, and I’ll neverforgive you for it.”
Each word Lucas utters knocks another wall down in the narrow worldview Coach Blake wanted me to have. Did Ellis really love football as much as I do? As much as his dad does? Or did he only tell himself he did to earn his father’s love? What did that mean about us? Was what we had real? I’d already realized I’d mistaken the love I had for him as being in love with him, and maybe Ellis had too. Maybe for him, I was a way to give his father what he always wanted—a son who played ball. Ellis would have never done that on purpose, but we were both so fucking young, so close and so enamored with the man standing before me now. All we wanted was to make him proud.
I don’t know what to think. What to feel. I don’t know up from down or truth from fiction. “Leave,” I say harshly, with uncharacteristic coldness.
“Hunt…” Lucas starts.
“Not you,” I say, then give Coach Blake my attention again. “I loved Ellis. He was the best friend I’ve ever had, and he always will be, but that’s all he ever should have been. I love Ellis, but I’m in love with Lucas. And while I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Coach Blake’s face turns red in anger. He doesn’t like being told what to do, doesn’t like not getting his way, not winning.
“You’ll be a joke when people find out about this,” he seethes. “You used Ellis for my money and connections, and now moved on to his brother. You’re throwing away everything you worked for, when Lucas only wants you because it will hurt me.” Coach Blake turns and walks away.
“I have to go,” Lucas says the second his father is gone, and the words stun me out of the trance I was in.
“Wait. Maybe we should talk. What he said…”
“I don’t only want you because it will piss him off. That’s just a perk.” He projects coldness, but I recognize it for the protective barrier it is, Lucas trying to build his walls up before he gets hurt.
“I don’t think you only want me to piss him off. I know you, Lucas.”
“I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
And just like that, Lucas is walking away. I’m frozen in place, helplessly watching him go.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Lucas
I’m distracted allthrough my shoot, angry and sad and a million other emotions. Everyone can tell, and they’re steering clear. I’m a dick when I’m like this, but I can’t stop it today. I keep everyone later than usual because photography distracts me, and that’s what I need right now.
A better man wouldn’t have walked out on Hunter the way I did, but I’ve never pretended to be anything more than what I am. Everything my father said about me clashes with how Hunter defended me, the way he stood up to my father for the first time…for me. And I know my dad won’t take that sitting down.
I’m exhausted by the time I call it a day. I don’t really think about where I’m going before I find myself at the gallery. Isla takes one look at me, and I can tell she knows something’s wrong. I don’t say anything to her, instead going directly to our office. It takes about fifteen minutes, but then she joins me, closing the door behind her.
“What is it, babe?”
“My father decided to come and see Hunter during his Kansas City bye week. He saw us kissing and, of course, put the blame on me. Accused us of being together the whole time, of betraying Ellis, told Hunter I only wanted him to piss my dad off. Everything was my fault. Nothing new there.”
“Shit. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“So yeah, I’m sure everything is over with Hunter.”
She frowns, her brows drawn together the way they do when she wonders how I got from pointAto pointB. “Did he say that?”
“No, but you don’t understand the way he feels about football, about my father; hell, about Ellis. He’ll do the right thing, and he’s definitely not gonna want to bring negative attention to his game.”
“If that’s the case, Hunter doesn’t deserve you. I have a feeling it’s not, though.” She leans against the desk, next to my chair. “I’ll admit, I had my concerns in the beginning, but I saw how he is with you. He’s crazy about you, babe. He’s scared and worried about what will happen, but he loves you. He’s not going anywhere. But until you acknowledge you’re worthy of love, you’re always going to have that fear.” Isla leans over and kisses my forehead. “And you are…worthy of love.”
“You’re so mushy lately.”
