“I’m serious.”
I sigh. “I know.” I rest my elbows on my knees, hands in my hair. “Fuck, this is hard. It was one thing to want him forever, but it’s even harder to have him. I keep waiting for something to go wrong. He hasn’t even called me.”
“Would you answer if he did?” My silence is all the confirmation she needs. “Then I’ll be an optimist for you: at least it’s only your father who knows, and not the whole worldandyour father simultaneously.”
“That’s the thing…Iwantpeople to know.” I realized that when he didn’t want to come with me to the shoot today. “I want to be with him for real, yet that feels like one step closer to the end.”
“I should refer you to my therapist.”
I roll my eyes.
“You think I jest.”
No, and it probably wouldn’t be a bad thing. My head can be a pretty fucked-up place, and I haven’t seen a therapist in a long time.
“I should go home and see him.”
“Did you run out right after it happened?” I look at her, and she shakes her head. “Of course you did. I know I’m fabulous and way more fun than him, but you should go see your man. He must be as confused as you are.”
She’s right. She always is.
I stand up and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, Is. I’ll…go survey the damage.” Partly from my father, and partly from me. What was I thinking, leaving like that? I’m sure Hunter has been on edge all fucking day.
“Such a pessimist.”
“We covered that already, remember? You’re the optimist.”
“It’ll be okay, babe. I promise.”
“I hope you’re right.”
It feels like it takes ten hours to drive to Hunter’s place, which I guess isn’t hard to believe considering we live in LA and it takes ten hours to get anywhere. I have a key, but for some reason I knock, afraid he’s already decided he’s done with me and maybe changed the locks. I wait a couple of minutes, and when he doesn’t answer, I ring the bell. When it becomes clear no one’s coming, that he’s either not home or doesn’t want to talk to me, I sit on the step, pull out my phone, and call him.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey.” We’re both quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry I left. I was all up in my head, feeling guilty you had to deal with that, scared about how it will affect you, and selfish enough that Iwas also wondering if this will be the thing that makes me lose you.”
“Shit, baby. You’re not going to lose me. I’m literally sitting outside your condo right now because I knew if I called, you wouldn’t answer.”
It’s such a ridiculous thing, but I smile at the fact that he knows me so well, that he’s waiting for me and didn’t call because he knows I’m a total fucking idiot. “I’m sitting outsideyourplace.”
“I should have stayed there and waited.”
“I like that you went looking for me. Most people wouldn’t.”
“I’m not most people. I’m not giving you up, Lucas. I want you too damn much.”
I close my eyes, unwilling to let myself sit here and cry on his goddamned doorstep. “I’ve always wanted you,” I remind him. “I’ll come to you.”
“No. I’m already on my way.” It’s impossible to hold back my smile at his response. “Go inside and wait for me.”
“I’ll be naked,” I say.
“I’m counting on it.” The worry I felt moments ago was wiped away with each and every one of his words.
I unlock the door and go inside, heading straight upstairs. I don’t know what Hunter is going to want when he gets here, but I’m up for anything, so I freshen up. I don’t care what we do. I don’t care if we don’t do anything at all. I just want him.
Eventually, I hear the front door open. Hunter doesn’t come upstairs right away, and I wonder what he’s doing down there. But soon I hear him on the stairs, walking down the hallway, then coming into the room.
