“A house.A few years ago.Closer to Oak Park.It’s safer for them.More predictable.I think it keeps them more grounded.”
She doesn’t interrupt.Just listens.
“I make sure they’re taken care of.Their mortgage is handled.Money goes into an account every month.They don’t have to think about anything.”
“And do they?”
“No.”A pause settles between us before I continue.“They never really recovered.”
“Well, how could they?That kind of loss isn’t something you come back from.You just learn to live with it.”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
Her voice softens, but doesn’t waver.“I’m sorry, Hayden.”
A single nod is enough.“They stayed the same though.Nothing really changed.Not in a way that mattered.”
“But, you did.”Her fingers brush down my arm in a soft sweep of comfort.
“Yes.”A heavy sigh leaves me.“I had to.They just, couldn’t.”
A small breath leaves her, thoughtful.“That explains a lot.”
“Does it?”I scrape my fingers through my hair with a slight shake of my head.“I don’t really know how else to explain it.I became what was necessary to survive with them.”
“That’s why you keep your distance from them?”
“It’s easier that way.”I don’t elaborate on the specifics.She knows enough about what happened to not need more.She accepts what I share and seems to understand.
“I don’t think I realized until now how what happened then, is what drove, or what drives your nature.”
“It has to.”
“Does is still need to though?”Her question comes out soft, quiet, and from a place in which I know she’s trying to assimilatethe why, with then and now.Quiet settles between us, but it’s different now.I don’t answer the question because I don’t have one that makes sense, maybe even to me.
“You’ve done well for yourself, Hayden.That’s something to be proud of.”
“I did what I needed to.”I shrug, never really good at accepting compliments.
“That’s not the same thing.”
“No, but it’s what got me here.”
“And where is ‘here’ exactly?”
I glance at her, then forward again.“In a city I know.The band is predictable; even if the guys aren’t always, they’re my family.My parents are taken care of.I’m content enough.”
That earns a reaction.Small, but real.“Are you?”
“I thought so.”My brow pulls together as I glance over at the reason I’m no longer sure.
We turn onto her block, her building coming into view sooner than I’d prefer.She slows slightly.I match it without thinking.Neither of us speaks.The quiet stretches again, but this time it feels charged.There’s an awareness between us now that wasn’t there before.
We stop just short of the entrance to her building.For a second, neither of us moves.A strand of her hair has slipped forward, catching against her shoulder.It’s nothing, but I reach for it anyway, my hand lifting slowly as my fingers brush up the fabric of her dress, then against the skin of her cheek before I tuck it behind her ear.
She doesn’t stop me.Her eyes lift to mine when my thumb lingers, grazing against her cheek.The look between us an unspoken question.I give her a second, not wanting to assume or rush the moment, and wait for her to step back.
She doesn’t.So, I close the distance, leaning forward, her lids closing as my lips press against hers.It's soft at first.Careful.The kind of kiss that asks before it takes anything.
