-3-
Liza
I HAD FINISHED JAMMINGwhatever I could fit into the Mazda 5 and went to rouse Charlie. My initial plan was to drive to San Antonio, about an hour and a half away, and get on one of the buses to Mexico. I’d considered a rural town high in the mountains called Real de Catorce, but then I remembered a woman for whom I’d ghostwritten a cookbook calledLove from Oaxaca: Paulina’s Perfect Mole Sauces & Stews. I’d visited Paulina and fallen in love with Oaxaca. Charlie and I could make a life in that small Mexican city, I imagined: He could join the children kicking a soccer ball around one of the picturesque town squares. Of course the kids I remembered were elementary school age and Charlie didn’t speak Spanish, but it was a start. I knew the first-class buses were very nice, with movies and food, but the cheaper tickets might not require a passport…and if they did, I hoped the written ledger would never find its way to Detective Revello.
Detective Revello! The more hours I went without sleep, the more I remembered the night we’d shared. I’d snuck out of his West Campus condo at dawn—I wasn’t ready for alover. I thought anything that diverted me from Charlie was dangerous. There would be time for me, I thought. Now I wondered what my life would have been like if I had kissed Salvatore instead, curled around him that morning.
It didn’t matter anymore.
But I thought about it anyway.
I stepped into Charlie’s room. “Honey?” I said, approaching his bed.
There was a pile of blankets, and as I got close, my heart began to race. “Charlie?” I said.
I touched the blankets. The bed was empty.
“Charlie?” I cried. I moved around the house, looking everywhere. I called his phone, but it went straight to voicemail.
-4-
Salvatore
SALVATORE GAVE HIS NANNYthe day off and picked up Joe and Allie himself. He spotted Joe outside school, staring at his non-snazzy sneakers. Kid after kid ran to a car driven by a mom. Salvatore ached to text Mae Mae and flee.
Salvatore typed,SORRY FOR LAST MIN TEXT BUT CAN YOU STILL GET KIDS? I NEED TO
Joe looked up before Salvatore could finish the text. He grinned and began waving. “Dad!” he cried. “Dad! I’m over here!”
Salvatore held the phone in his hand. He could still send the text, pull away, go to a bar, go for a hike, go to work, go hire someone to hold him, buy some running shoes, run until he collapsed.
But it was time to accept Jacquie’s death, to embrace the memories of his life with her, and move forward. What remained was his son, his girl, and the memory of Liza Bailey’s kiss, the person he’d been once, ready for love. Could he bethat man again? Life wore you out either way. Loneliness left you empty, and love pierced you with the worst pain and the best joy.
Joe yelled, “Dad!”
Salvatore had a choice.
-5-
Liza
I TEXTED WHITNEY ANDAnnette in vain, telling them Charlie was AWOL and I was scared. Despite our hundreds of wine-soaked nights, our promises and conversations, afternoons spent caring for each other’s children, it was becoming clear that when it mattered, we’d immediately reverted to protecting our blood. Was all the quiet I’d thought was a safe weave of community watchfulness—oflove—nothing more than expensive houses with personal alarm systems to alert the owners of an outsider coming too close?
I sat on my front step, feeling completely alone. I remembered my childhood neighborhood—trashy, sure, but I was never lonely. I missed the chaos of Bluebird Acres, the way everyone knew our business. Oak Glen was barren in the blinding sunlight. None of the new houses had front porches, just high gates and backyards hidden from view. I had always felt safe in this quiet corner of the city, but now I felt isolated and scared, wishing someone would wander by and ask me how I was doing.
When Mack was sick, I had waited for help. When mymom was too drunk to make dinner, I had waited. But no one had come to help me then. And, it seemed, no one was coming now.
In the middle of the hot afternoon, I remembered the “Big Mother” app I’d installed on Charlie’s phone after reading about the start-up in theAustin American-Statesman. How could I have forgotten? I opened the app, and watched as it pinpointed Charlie’s location. I squinted, confused. Charlie was…on the greenbelt?
I donned flip-flops. A breeze rustled the leaves of my oak trees, and I felt panic rise in my throat. Following the glowing orb on my phone, I began to run from my house toward the place where, not long ago, a crew of EMTs had carried the body of a woman named Lucy out on a stretcher inside a body bag.
It was so hot.
The paved road ended and I stepped over a metal divider and into the greenbelt. The ground was muddy, overgrown bushes almost hiding a small trail. But I knew the path was there. I walked along it, breathing in the pungent scent of stone and water and dirt. As always, I was struck by the presence of such a wild place so close to the city. But instead of feeling thankful, I was terrified. Anything could happen down here. I knew it. I peered at my phone, praying I would not lose cell service.
I followed directions, approaching the Cliffs, but then my path toward Charlie veered off the trail, descending a steep embankment. I was still at least twenty feet above shallow pools of water and rock bed. I stumbled, almost falling headfirst off the rim, and vowed to step carefully. I was dizzy and overheated. When had I last eaten anything? I couldn’t remember.
I made my way along a narrow precipice high above thecreek bed. One wrong footfall and I would tumble off the outcropping. As I walked carefully—so carefully—my eyes grew blurry with unshed tears. The trail followed the cliff line and then turned. I saw a crevice in the rock, felt my way around the edge and leaned into a dark space.
