“Dad, come on,” says Robert. “Mom said—”
“I don’t see your mother here,” says Louis. “Do you, Robert? Do you see your mother here?”
Robert is filled with a white-hot fury. It takes him over almost instantly. His rage scares him sometimes.
“Take it out!” yells Louis.
(His dad is a fucking clown.)
Robert takes out the gun. He aims it right at his father’s face.
Louis smiles. “Let’s do this, Son,” he says.
-3-
Charlie
THE FIRST DAY OFsummer and Charlie should be in the water. Instead, he’s nervous at Austin-Bergstrom Airport. Of course he’s nervous! He’s about to finally, finally, meet his father. Jesus, he’d wanted to bring Amir or someone along for this event, but it seemed like a strange request. Charlie is scared. Seriously, he’s scared. He wants this random man to love him—there, it’s true.
He considers making a TikTok of the reunion: turn the camera on himself, hold out his arm to capture the moment they embrace, edit it later with captions. This seems crazy but also a way to diffuse the situation, to make it content rather than pain. Rather than terror. Life hurts less when made into funny videos.
At baggage claim, Charlie looks at the screen to see that his father’s plane from Boston has landed. Charlie scans the waiting area for the restroom: he might actually puke; he feels bile in his mouth.
He turns on his TikTok, flips the camera, hits record. Thetimer counts down and he’s on. All he has to do is smile. He ruffles his hair, tries to look pensive. Acting like a scared child makes him less actually scared—he imagines some sorrowful song, like “Jocelyn Flores” by XXXTentacion or “If the World Was Ending” by JP Saxe.
He’ll put captions above his forlorn face, one by one:
I HAVE NEVER MET MY FATHER.
MY MOM WOULDN’T TELL ME WHO HE WAS.
I FOUND HIM AND PAID FOR HIS PLANE TICKET TO AUSTIN.
I’M ABOUT TO MEET MY FATHER FOR THE FIRST TIME.
(FOLLOW ME FOR PT. 2)
He feels immediately better, endorphins or serotonin or whatever they are flooding him even at thethoughtof posting his video. This is what cutting feels like, Roma told him once—you press a razor blade into your skin and feel immediately better. She used the word “released.”
Jesus, Roma. Charlie can’t help but think about her sometimes, even though they slept together only that one time, ruining everything. He misses her. She’s scary but also exciting, showing up in the middle of the night when you don’t expect her, being kind when you thought she was angry. She has problems for sure. Charlie wishes he knew how to solve them, how to help her, but she uses that feeling against him. Amir says she’s a psycho. He might be right.
Charlie watches the escalator. He sees men of all shapes and sizes and colors, imagines each being his dad. But as soon as he sees Patrick Hamilton, he knows. His father is wearing slim jeans with loafers, a white button-down shirt. He looks wealthy, confident, a bit skinny. Charlie tells himself his father’s hair isfashionablylong andfashionablydisheveled.Charlie hears his own inhalation of breath. His father looks just like him.
He cannot help himself: he runs. He runs to his father and his father, looking dumbstruck, breaks into a huge smile and opens his arms.
-1-
Salvatore
THE NEW NANNY, MAEMAE,showed up promptly at 6:00a.m., parking a black Crown Victoria in Salvatore’s driveway. Salvatore opened his front door and raised an eyebrow. Mae Mae, a fifty-something woman in camouflage pants and a tight black T-shirt, smiled sweetly. “Detective Revello?” she said. “I’m Mae Mae.”
“Is that your Crown Vic?” said Salvatore.
She smiled. “Sure is. I got it at CarMax, but I like pretending I’m a cop’s daughter, you know? Or a cop’s wife. Or a cop!”
“Huh,” said Salvatore.
“I never get pulled over, and I like to think you guys are looking out for me.” Mae Mae wore lavender eye shadow and maroon lipstick, her silver hair brushing her shoulders. Salvatore’s take was that she was a low-key lady who had made an effort this morning, but might not wear makeup again. All of the visuals added up, but something needled at Salvatore. He made a mental note to call her fourth reference when he hada moment. The first three had checked out and he’d been tired.
