Now, I don’t know how to fix us.
I watch him through the flames, sipping from a mug, staring at the fire.Danika is talking to a girl seated next to Sean.I lean my head against Collin’s shoulder.When I look at Jonathan, he’s looking back.As quickly as we connect, I lose him to the fire.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Danika tells me.“Then I’ll talk to him.”She bites her thumbnail.
“I’ll come with you.”I shift the blanket off my shoulder.
“No.I just need a minute.I’ll be right back.”
“You sure?”I hesitate, unconvinced.I shouldn’t let her go alone.
She nods.“I won’t be long.”
I settle back next to Collin.He wraps an arm around me again and grips my shoulder.I watch her walk up the path toward the public bathrooms.The snow is falling faster, nearly covering up the tracks on the path.Making her footprints disappear before she’s gone.
This day is usually one of my favorites in our town.The tree lighting.Skating.Hot Chocolate and fires.Live music and carolers at the pavilion.It’s a day I always look forward to every year.
Not today.I feel disconnected from all of it.Even from myself.
Livvy’s laugh captures my attention.
“I think we should go,” Collin says into my ear.“Nothing good is going down here.And I have a feeling it’ll only get worse.”
I peer into his hazel eyes.He looks sad.The emotion doesn’t look right on him.
“What is it?”I frown.
“You don’t deserve this, Sadie.”
“I opened this box, Collin.I deserve whatever’s inside.”I give him a peck on the cheek.“But thank you.I’m sorry again for being a terrible friend.”
He shakes his head, dismissing me.I lean my head back on his shoulder, and Collin rests his cheek on my fur-lined hood.My gaze naturally gravitates to Jonathan.I will always search for him, even when it hurts.And what I’m seeing right now is tearing my heart out.
Livvy pulls her lollipop out of Jonathan’s mouth, drags it along her lower lip and tastes it with a flick of her tongue.A half-lidded invitation on her face.He smirks.
I can’t look away.No matter how much the broken shards dig into me.I know this isn’t him.Thiscan’tbe him.He can’t stand Livvy.There’s no way that the attention he’s giving her means anything.Except he’s looking at her, like he’s lookingintoher.The same way he’s looked at me a thousand times.
Livvy leans in and whispers something to him.He crooks the corner of his mouth.She glances at me out of the corner of her eye, knowing I’m watching.I stare blankly back, trying so hard to convince myself that he wouldn’t do this.Not to me.This isn’t him.He isn’t cruel.Iknowhim.
When she dabs her lollipop onto his lower lip, he drags his teeth over it.She puts the lollipop back in her mouth and smiles at me.I have to look away before the shards dig deeper and I bleed out.
Oren’s gone.
I leap to my feet and spin around, searching for him.I can’t find him.And Danika still isn’t back.Blood rushes through my heart, reminding it what fear feels like.I stomp through the accumulated snow to the bike path, sliding and skidding in my impractical boots.
“Hey,” Collin calls after me.“Where are you going?”
“Danika,” is all I can say.Panic is a living fire within me, creeping through my stomach and up my throat.This is not good.
Flashing blue lights are beacons in the distance.Red ones too.
No.No.No.No.
It feels like it takes forever to reach the bathrooms.
How long was she gone?It didn’t feel like it was more than ten minutes.But it had to have been longer.I was so caught up watching Jonathan.And Livvy.
I come upon a crowd at the edge of the woods behind the bathroom.I push through without apology until I reach the front.
