“Sure,” I reply.Hoping we won’t be here that long.The thought of going home without finding Jonathan has me blinking back tears.
“And, Sadie,” she says before I can end the call.
“Yeah?”
“Please… be careful.”
I feel the weight of her words beyond just being safe.This is about the controversy I’ve brought into the house.I overheard my parents talking when I went downstairs for something to drink last night.My mother’s concern about how Jonathan’s arrest may affect Dad’s campaign.Even though he assured her it wouldn’t.That the Reeves situation won’t come back to him.
Until Mom asked, “Even if our daughter is in the middle of it?”
Dad promised, “She isn’t.They’re over.”
I didn’t stick around to hear more.
Why is everyone determining the end of my relationship?
Even after everything shattered earlier today and how horrible it was, I don’t want to believe it’s over.
“You’re here!”Danika exclaims, wrapping me in a hug before we’re anywhere near the bonfire.“I’ve been waiting for you.”
“Are you okay?”I ask, studying her with concern.This feels off.She’s wearing a plastic smile worse than mine.
She meets my eyes, blinking like she’s trying to transmit Morse code.“Not really.”She glances at Collin with a manic smile.“Hey, Collin.It’s about to get super awkward, and I want to prepare you guys.”
“Danika!What are you doing?”Oren calls from a distance.
She turns around, and as soon as she does, I know why she’s acting so strange, beyond the fact that she’s about to break things off with Oren.
Collin swears under his breath.“This is why he didn’t respond to any of my calls.Because he knew I’d tell him this was a stupid idea.”
Collin and I follow Danika, who announces, “Look who I found!”
Jonathan’s sitting on a log bench with Livvy between him and Oren.Livvy laughs when she sees us, a lollipop twirling between her fingers.Jonathan raises his head, then redirects his focus to the fire.Livvy bumps his shoulder with her own and gives him a wink.He gives her the slightest smile in return.
“What the fuck?”Collin mutters.I can’t move.My stomach is as icy as the lake.He won’t meet my eyes even though I haven’t taken mine off of him.Jonathan’s still, a vacant stare reflecting the flames.
“Want some hot chocolate?”Danika offers, pulling a large silver thermos from a bag.I force myself to disconnect and shake my head.Danika’s manic energy nearly knocks me over.“Here, we brought blankets.This is the last one.You’ll have to share.”
I take it from her with numb hands, avoiding eye contact with anyone in the group.My entire body is numb—nothing to do with the temperature.There’s an empty log across the fire from Jonathan, and I take a seat.I think I’m in shock.
My body feels mechanical.My heart ticks in my chest.Voices of the town surround us—laughing, skating, groups gathered around their own fires along the lake’s edge.It’s a buzz of white noise.I don’t feel real.
Collin walks over to Jonathan.Whatever is said is brief.But it puts a cunning smile on Livvy’s face.
Oren’s football groupies sit on log benches around the fire, along with a few girls I don’t know.I’m not sure how Danika’s going to talk with Oren without it becoming a spectacle.I focus on her as she flits about, avoiding Oren and laughing too loud.If I keep my eyes on her, she is safe.Andmyheart doesn’t matter.
Oren pulls Danika onto his lap and snuggles into her shaggy camel jacket.Her eyes meet mine across the fire.I want to talk to her.To beg her to just leave with us.This doesn’t feel right.None of it.We shouldn’t be here.I try to get her to understand with a small shake of my head, but Oren draws her attention back to him.
Collin sits down next to me and spreads the blanket over our shoulders, keeping an arm around me.“I don’t know what he’s doing.I’m sorry, Sadie.”
I nod, feeling the frigid temperatures from the inside out—despite the fire, Collin’s warmth or this fur-lined coat.The flames are doing nothing to thaw the ice crystals spreading through my bones.
“I did this,” I tell Collin.“I broke us.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
I don’t answer.How do I explain that this whole time, while I was trying to understand Jonathan, he was showing me who he was?And I couldn’t see him—not until he was standing in front of me, raw and exposed.Not until it was too late.I let fear cloud my vision.And I allowed his father to manipulate me and make me doubt how well I really know Jonathan.
