The guilt of inaction’s been a stone in my gut.
“I hate not being able to fix things.But we’re not always going to like each other’s choices,” I finally say.“We may not even like each other sometimes.But I think… the important thing is to be there for each other.Even when it’s hard.”
“Is that peer-mentor speak forjust deal with it?”Danika asks.
The girls laugh.I smile.
“I guess.”I bite my lip.“I want to be honest about how I’m feeling—even when I don’t like someone you’re interested in.I promise to never make you choose.But it’s so hard to just… watch.”
“You like me, right?”Darcy asks in sudden panic.
“Are you kidding?Weloveyou,” Danika says, pulling Darcy into a hug.“Sadie means new people, other than the four of us.Like… Oren.I know you don’t like him.”
“With you,” Jaz corrects.“We don’t like the way he treatsyou.”
“And I don’t know if I like Livvy,” Darcy adds.
“She’s… complicated.I don’t really understand her either,” Danika says, “but she’s, like, Oren’s best friend.So, she’s part of his package.”
“Like we’re part of yours,” Darcy adds emphatically.
“Exactly,” I say.“We can’t abandon our friendship because of someone who may not be around in two months.Okay?”
Everyone nods.
“Everyone has an asshat dating story,” Jaz offers.
“What about each other’s old friends?”Danika asks not so subtly even though she refuses to name names.“The ones who’ve always been around, but things are different now?”
“I like Jonathan,” Jaz quickly defends.“I think his dad has issues.But Jonathan has only ever been good to me—in his quiet, broody way.”
“I like Collin,” Darcy declares.“He makes me laugh.”
“Me too,” I say.“I mean, I like them both.Not all the time.And right now… is one of those times because… well, I don’t know what I feel.Emotions are confusing.”
“No kidding,” Jaz notes with a raised brow.“I never believed he’d hurt you.But I couldn’t let you walk into Clara’s with everyone expecting the worst.”
“Thanks,” I say quietly.“I know we’ve said this, but I really do feel like I’ve been the worst friend.I say things that hurt.I don’t think—”
“Then stop,” Jaz interrupts me.“Thinking is overrated.”
“You lovea lot,” Darcy says, reaching for my hand.“You don’t hide your feelings very well.You don’t even need words.”I release a broken laugh.
“True.And I’m sorry I thought the worst,” Danika admits quietly.“Maybe because I know what it’s like to be on the other side of it, and I never want that for any of you.”She takes a breath as if to inhale courage.“I’m ending things with Oren at the bonfire tomorrow night.For good this time.”
We stare at her.
My heart beats rapidly.I can’t tell if it’s in relief or fear.“How do you feel about that?”
“Stop peer-mentoring me,” Danika scolds.
“Sorry.I’m just… not sure whether to be happy or nervous for you.”
“I know,” she says, redirecting her eyes to the ceiling when they begin to shine with tears.“I’m not sure either.”She releases her vulnerability through pursed lips.“That’s why I need you there tomorrow.”
Jaz and Darcy look at each other.
Jaz explains their tortured expressions.“We’re supposed to go to the city with our moms.We won’t be in school either.But we can go another—”
