“Uh.I don’t—”
“Please.I want to start distancing myself from him, and he’ll be on his best behavior if I’m with you.”
“Why go?”
“Because… I have to.Just… please?”
She silently pleads with me.I can’t say no to her even though I’m not excited about going to the annual bonfire on the lake.Everyone walks to the lake after the downtown tree lighting to skate and build fires along the shore.It’s bad enough I have to get dressed up in one of my mother’s impractical outfits for campaign photos after the ceremony.I was hoping to go home and wallow under my blankets after we were done.
I look into the dark blue eyes, waiting for my answer.To be there for her.Which is all I’ve ever wanted.She needs me.
“Okay.”
Danika throws her arms around me.“Thank you.”I barely hug her back.
“What are you going to do about Jonathan?”she asks when she lets go.
“I don’t know.”I’d honestly rather avoid thinking about it.
“Well, I’m here for you.Whatever you need to get you through it.It sucks.”
She stands, prompting me to as well.
“Maybe… you can still be friends?”
I give a one-shouldered shrug.My stomach bottoms out.
Friends?Meaning… we’re over?Is that what I’m deciding?
“I should… talk to Collin.”
“Right,” she replies, like this makes complete sense.“Maybe… we can do something this week?”
“I’d like that.”And I’m being honest.I’ve missed my friend.It’s time to healoneof my relationships.
Dad took me Christmas tree shoppingon Tuesday.Is it really calledshopping?Regardless, he thought it would cheer me up, and it did a little.We picked a larger tree than we usually pick out for his law office and set it up in the office at the house—since that’s where he works most days now.
I explored the craft store with Mom the next day to select supplies to make new ornaments—a yearly tradition.Then invited the girls over Thursday after school to help decorate it.I almost criedagainwhen I came back with hot chocolates to find the girls spreading out the fur, ribbon, feathers and glitter we bought on the protective drop cloth—along with the acorns and pinecones Darcy insisted we collect at lunch this afternoon.I was worried we’d never be together again.
Just because we’re together, it doesn’t mean we’re back to the way we were.I’m learning that once a relationship is tested or evolves, it can’t return to the way it was.I continue to view things as before and after.Eventually, I’ll learn to accept it as it is.
“What should we make?”I ask, stepping back to take in the lights and the ornaments from years past, dangling from the tree’s branches.There’s so much more vacant space this year.
“Let’s make a garland chain with the fur and velvet ribbon,” Danika suggests.“It’ll fill it in more.”
“And it definitely needs more glitter,” Darcy notes.“Jaz and I will make pinecone fairies with the glitter, feathers and acorns.”Jaz gives her a look like she has no clue how to do this.“I’ll show you.”
We sink back into weighted silence, allowing the Christmas rock music to fill the void that we haven’t figured out how to close now that we’re all in the same room.
“What brought you back?”Jaz asks Danika, gathering the pinecones so Darcy can attach acorn heads.
“I was worried about Sadie after seeing her at Clara’s,” Danika says, cutting the red velvet ribbon to create links while I cut the white fur similarly.She pauses, and we look up to find her taking us all in.“I know I haven’t been a very good friend.”
“Or maybe we haven’t been the good friends,” Darcy suggests urgently, like she’s been waiting for the opportunity to apologize.“We’ve been worried about both of you.”
“Let’s just say, we all sucked,” Jaz says, disrupting the blame game.“So, what do we do when one of us chooses a friend or boyfriend the rest of us doesn’t like?”
Our eyes dart from one to the other.Waiting for someone to answer.
