I meet her eyes, surprised she’s admitting this.I didn’t hear they’d broken up.Maybe I missed it.I wait for her to finish, afraid to say something wrongagain.
“We’re not good for each other,” she admits quietly.“Love isn’t enough to stay together.Not when there’s no trust.Or respect.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For being right?”
I give her a weak smile.“I wish you didn’t have to hurt to love someone.”
“Seems to be a pattern.”
“It’s different—”
“It’s not.But thanks for trying to make me feel like I have some sense.I just keep choosing these guys who want to control me.Why can’t I be enough as I am?”
“You are,” I say emphatically, setting a hand on her arm.“You absolutely are.No matter what color your hair is.Or how you dress.Or how candid and abrasive you are.You are magnificent.”
“Magnificent?”
“It’s as close to magical as I could come without making you into a mystical being.”
“You think I’m a mystical being?”
“In a way… I mean that.I’m in awe of you.How bold you are.Your honesty.You’re fiercely protective.”
“I get it.You can stop now.”
“But I want you tobelieveme.They’re not just words.”I shift, needing her to see it on my face, tempting the fate of the bench as it groans beneath me.“Know that I wanted to be your friend since seventh grade but thought you were way too cool for me.And then you started dating my brother our freshman year, and I felt terrible when he was such a dick to you.I figured he ruined it for me.But then you came back a badass, and I admired you so much when you walked into Just’s like you didn’t care that everyone was staring.Andyouchosemeto be your friend.
“That was such a big deal.To finally be seen by you.And you became my best girlfriend.I would do anything for you.Which is why… I blew up our friendship.”
“I was holding the pin,” she admits.“I didn’t want to see it.To know the truth.”
“Me neither.”
“Jonathan?”
I nod.
“I heard his dad had him arrested.His face was pretty messed up when I saw him at Clara’s.Do you know what happened?”
“Not really.I mean, I was leaving when they got into an argument…” I stop myself from sharing more.This seems like too much to reveal.Our friendship is still smoldering.
I don’t think I like this blown-up analogy anymore.
“When did you break up?”
Danika lets out a breath.“We haven’t.”
“Oh.”I’m not sure what to say.
The guardedness I’ve been slowly releasing throughout this conversation zips up again.I thought that she’d finally chosen herself.But to know that they’re still together makes me doubt she’ll ever leave him.She has to be the one to break the pattern—I can’t make her.And all I can do is hope she does and be here for her in the meantime.The supportive role is not an easy one for me to play, not when I want to scream at her to save herself.
“Have you and Jonathan?”
I shake my head.“I don’t know what we are.It’s all… happening.”
“Right.Same.”She faces me and grabs my hands.“Come to the bonfire with me on Friday?”
