“We should get going too,” Collin murmurs to Jonathan.
Jonathan watches Oren falter down the driveway.A figure emerges from the shadows.A lollipop twirling between her fingers before popping into her mouth.She slides in next to Oren and accompanies him silently down the driveway.Not before turning with a finger wave in my direction.
Livvy.Always there, just out of view.I watch until they disappear.
Danika rushes into the house, fighting back tears.Jonathan finally turns toward me with a crumpled face of regret.“I—”
“Should go,” I finish with quiet authority, not sounding like myself.I must be in shock.My body isn’t reacting like it usually does when in distress.I’m much too calm.
Collin shoves his hands into his front pockets.“Happy birthday, Sadie.Memorable, as always.”He offers a weak smile.
Jonathan steps toward me.I back away; a chill erupts over my skin.The familiar palpitations begin their panicked rhythm, catching up with me.He turns abruptly and is in his truck with the engine running before Collin has a chance to open the door.
There’s a reason I leave every time a fight starts.There’s a reason I only ever see the aftermath and not the actual event.Because I never wanted to see this.The violence.His rage.
The truth.
Chapter Sixteen
There’s a crowd gatheredin a circle behind the school.I can see it from the cot I’m sitting on in the nurse’s office, the ice pack cold against my head.
I can’t tell what’s going on because everyone’s shoving to get closer to whatever’s happening in the middle.Setting the ice pack on the crinkly white paper covering the blue plastic mattress, I scoot off to get a better look out the window.There are two—no, four boys wrestling.One boy sits on top of another and punches him.
I cover my mouth.It’s Jonathan.Tears flood my eyes.What is he doing?
A male teacher—I think one of the eighth-grade math teachers—pushes through the crowd while another teacher directs everyone to go inside.He wraps his arms around Jonathan to pull him to his feet.
Collin is there, his arms flailing and pointing, probably trying to explain what happened.
But I know what happened when the nurse rushes out and crouches next to Jonas, who has blood on his face.I can’t believe Jonathan did that.
Jonas and Gil were awful when they tried to steal the coffee can I decorated with leaves and grass and carried around with me to raise money to save the rainforest.There wasn’t even that much in it.Mostly pennies.But when they tried to yank it out of my arms, I couldn’t let it go.Except they were stronger, and I ended up falling and hitting my head on the floor.
Jonathan beat Jonas up because of me.
Are you going to talk to him ever again?” Danika asks from beside me.We’re both staring at the ceiling, the morning light glowing through my shades.
“I think he needs to do the talking.”I reach for her hand.“Are you going to talk to Oren ever again?”I glance down at the purple finger-shaped bruise wrapped around her arm.A spark of anger ignites in my core.
“I want to make sure he’s okay.”She sounds sad.
“Shouldn’t he be making sure you’re okay?”I sound angry.
“He didn’t mean to hurt me.”Her protest is weak.
“Tell that to my ass,” I grumble.
“It wouldn’t have happened if I had just gone with him.”Each word carries a note of defeat.
The heat in the pit of my stomach churns.I close my eyes and breathe.She said this last night too.I tried to convince her that none of this was her fault.And hoped after a night of sleep, she’d see it with the same clarity.Evidently, she’s still convinced she could have prevented it by leaving with her drunk boyfriend.I’m not convinced that would’ve ended well either.
“I know he pushed you, and he shouldn’t have.But Jonathan didn’t have to hit him like that.Oren was unconscious.”
“I know.”I’m not going to defend Jonathan’s actions.But I did spend most of the night thinking about what makes him resort to his fists when things escalate.It made me think of his father, questioning how long he’s been hurting him.And how I didn’t realize until now.
My father talks about wanting to break cycles when he explains why he represents his clients.Is violence inherited or learned?Maybe it can be unlearned.I don’t want to believe this is who Jonathan is… that he’s caught up in this never-ending cycle of losing himself to anger.
“I don’t know if he realized what he’d done until after.”The regret shadowing his face was as instantaneous as his attack on Oren, like he came back to himself when it was over.
