I focus on evening out my breaths.My head feels light.The room’s a bit slanted.
Collin pulls out his phone.“Jonathan’s on his way back here.”
“What?”I ask, closing my eyes and righting my world again.Except it isn’t.
“Jonathan,” Collin repeats in exaggerated slowness.“He went to Clara’s after he left here, to meet us.Except… you went all armadillo or whatever.Now he’s on his way back.”
“I have to go.”
“Where?He’s coming here.”
I stand and release a slow breath, using the wall for balance.Collin’s still talking.I’m not listening.The only thing I can hear is my father’s betrayal.
“Sadie!Where are you going?”he asks with impatience.
“Wait here for Jonathan,” I tell him, picking up my pace as I near the reception area.I leave Collin outside the elevator, running his fingers through his hair.
My phone pings and buzzes in my pocket when I reach my car.I turn it off.
Iarrive home to an empty house.
The pain is gone.
I am numb.
I open the office door.It isn’t locked.It never is.Yet there’s at least one secret hidden inside.Both Jonathan and my father told me it exists.
“After everything you know?You promised tohelpme!”
Jonathan’s words are still so loud in my mind.His mislaid trust is why I’m here.
With every drawer I open and file I sift through, I’m breaking my father’s confidences.But he broke Jonathan’s long ago.
I’m methodical, flipping open books and shaking their spines.I don’t rush or make a mess.I put everything back exactly where it belongs.
I wiggle open the bottom drawer of the antique roll-top desk—a decorative piece since the polished cherry wood desk replaced it years ago.The drawer’s uneven and takes finessing to maneuver.It’s stacked with drawings and noodle art, homemade cards and school awards.I flip layer after layer until I find a large white envelope near the bottom.Too pristine to belong in here.I hesitate before I touch it.
When I lift the thick envelope, the weight surprises me.The tug on my heart lets me know the numbness will subside soon.And I need to be alone for what comes next.
What’s inside is worse than I could’ve imagined.I’m not prepared for the pain.
Everything hurts.It’s swift and sharp.And has me wishing for nothingness again.Instead of everything.All at once.
I’ve always wanted to make a difference in a thousand different ways.But none of it matters.Not when the people I love are being hurt.And are also doing the hurting.
How can I live in a world where both the truth and lies cause so much destruction?
What are you doing in the dark?” my mother asks, flipping on the kitchen lights.“Is this a save the environment thing?I don’t think we can live by candlelight for one of your causes.Sorry, Sadie.”
My mother’s distracted, hanging their jackets and removing her shoes.My father is the first to notice.
My puffy red eyes prepare him for a different conversation.“Oh, Sadie.I’m sorry.”
Mom turns, wearing an instant expression of concern.“What is it?”
It takes a moment for my father to notice the handwritten pages and photos scattered on the dining table.
“What did he—”
