She smiles at hearing that. “And he taught you, all of it?”
“The basics of goldsmithing, a little about gemology, but most of that I learned later in school and apprenticeships. But the cleaning business?” I nod. “Every detail in situations where details are the most important thing.”
I shift my weight forward and lean closer, drawing my fingers up and down the center of her back. “My mom wasn’t in the picture for long. I barely remember her, but knowing now the kind of life my father led, having to be two different people and carry this legacy, this secret...” I sigh and look at where my palm rests, wanting to know more of her story too. “Who would want that? Cleaning horrific scenes where death lingered was why there would always be a part of him a partner would never really know.”
“I think some people are more understanding than others.” Her fingers roam along my shoulders, tracing a path to the paper airplane shapes that start there. “And I also think we share things with people when we know they can handle bearing the weight of it,” she says, and then takes a deep breath.
What she’s saying somehow helps make sense of this pull between us. My mouth tips up along the side when I say, “I met a woman. Beautiful, smart, she said something to me, and it clicked. I wanted her more than favors and secrets and a legacy.” I clear my throat and shake my head. The conflicted feeling that I’ve been stifling finally surfaces. “But then I came here, thinking this is it, I’m done. And she’s here, you’re here, and you see what I do, who I am.”
She moves her hands to frame my face, all of it registering with her that it wasn’t just a connection and hot hookup in Montana. She shifted something within me—and maybe it was a long time coming, or maybe she was mysomeone worth mentioning.
“And then come to find out, there’s a whole part of my dad’s life that I didn’t know about.”
“How he used to stay in at The Rackhouse when he would come to Rumor?” she asks.
“There was a picture of my dad and Birdie together, and I had wanted to ask her before I made any assumptions about it.” I shake my head, knowing what I saw in an old photo between the two of them. “They looked young, maybe around our age even.”
I get lost in her green eyes, knowing now what that look between them was. I was wrong. “It was never about the job or having to keep this secret. It was being able to share it with someone who could handle knowing and wanting him anyway. It’s why I need to talk to Birdie. I need to know that I was wrong. That he didn’t die alone, not having had someone who cared for him like that.”
She hears me as she says, “Okay,” taking in all that I’m saying, what I’ve confessed to her, and the truth that I’ve been feeling. “Then I think we need to have a chat with Birdie,” she says, moving her fingers along my hairline.
I close my eyes at her touch, leaning into it as I say, “Even if I hadn’t decided to stop, it would’ve eventually ended with me. I wouldn’t force my kid, if I ever had one, to take on this burden.” I don’t know why saying that out loud sits differently right now.
“Is that what it was for you? Did younothave a choice?” she asks, a pout pulling at her lips.
The question hits me square in the chest. “I had a choice,” I tell her. “I wanted to do all of it, be like him, make him proud, but then I liked it. Being a creative has always felt good. But I didn’t mind the meticulous details of it, and I believed in the morals my father lived by, so I went along with his clients and partners—some of them even became friends.”
“You still have a choice. You can always change your mind,” she says, leaning back on her hands.
“I do,” I say, working through if I want that. “And I can.”
She tilts her head and gives me a smile that somehow calms my thoughts even more. “What was it that beautiful woman said?” she asks playfully, knowing that the woman I was referring to was her.
“The devil is in the details,” I say, leaning forward and kissing the center of her chest. “It wasn’t a phrase I hadn’t heard before, but this stranger said it, and for some reason, it made me want all of it—every last detail about what she was doing there, why she was in a place that couldn’t be found on any map or GPS search. I wanted to know every detail and share mine.”
“Julian,” she whispers, and I have to kiss her. My lips press against hers, and she opens for me, guiding my tongue and taking my fucking breath away. Her legs wrap around my waist, and we get lost in each other. When we both need a breath, I pull back, letting my forehead rest against hers.
I flatten my hands on the inside of her thighs and push her legs wider. There isn’t a need for any more words or clarity and truths. The intimacy of everything said between us needs action and payout, andfuck,am I willing to pay.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Wyn
The smellof sugar and yeast wafting inside my home might be the best way to wake up. It helps that I just had the best sleep after nearly three and a half years. I fell asleep somewhere between the haze of a middle-of-the-night orgasm and before sunrise. If I’m smelling the latest mash, that means it’s easily close to noon—the distillery barely has a schedule, but it’s usually midday when Tommy fires up a mash that’s been waiting.
I stretch out in my cool sheets, wearing only an oversize Whispering Fool T-shirt and nothing else. My phone buzzes on the kitchen counter all the way across the room, but I take my time enjoying the feeling of being tired and sore. I smile tomyself, draping my arm over my eyes.I had so much sex last night.
“Julian?” I call out and turn my head toward the bathroom. The door is open, no light on. Sitting up, I look around the room, noting his boots are still here. His T-shirt is a ball on the floor near my clothes. My phone buzzes again.
When I finally drag my body off the bed and reach my phone, there’s a wall of text messages from my sisters. I swipe to make sure I’m reading them in order.
STEVIE
I’m just going to say it—you two were fucking behind the truck last night, weren’t you?!?
JO
WHAT! What the hell? I miss one lame festival, and apparently, our older sister is an exhibitionist now?! Wait, what did you see?
