My mom backed away from the door as I approached it, trading places with me. She squeezed my forearm as she passed, giving me anI’ve got your backlook before bustling back into the house, toward the kitchen.
Once we were alone, I checked Theo over. Dark circles under his eyes. Hair sticking up all over the place, as though he’d both been pulling on it and napping at his desk. He was paler than usual, his eyes were bloodshot, and by his sides, his hands were trembling.
“Hi,” I said, heart clenching at how miserable he looked.
Because that was the thing. I loved him. I always would. No matter what he did.
Even if that thing was surging forward and headbutting me.
No, kissing. He was kissing me. Awkwardly and with too much force, our noses colliding and my glasses in the way, but his hands were on my face again, and his mouth was pressed against mine.
Theo was kissing me.
We stumbled into the hall, my back hitting the wall hard enough to rattle the picture frames and rock the coat stand. I shot my hand out to steady it, but missed and knocked it over. The clatter of it hitting the ground seemed to happen miles and miles away.
Because Theo was here, and he waskissing me. With both hands on my face. The way he only kissedme.
“Hi,” Theo said against my lips, the tip of his nose still pressed to mine. “Sorry.”
“Are you?” I asked, a coil of nerves wrapping around my guts. I wasn’t opposed to Theo making the trip all the way to my parents’ house to burst through their front door and kiss me, but I didn’t know what itmeant.
I was scared to assume anything. Assuming things was what had gotten us here in the first place.
“Not for that,” Theo said, pulling back just far enough that I could see his eyes were closed. Both of his hands were still on my face, so I covered one of them with one of my own. “Well, I’m sorry for pouncing on you, kind of. I mean I’m not, but?—”
“Slow down,” I murmured, squeezing his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Aren’t you?” Theo asked, opening his eyes.
I always thought I should beusedto Theo’s eyes by now, but that perfect clear ice blue still came as a surprise every time. Even bloodshot and shadowed with dark circles so deep they looked like bruises.
“Well, this is my parents’ house,” I teased. I knew what he meant. “But I wouldn’t be going anywhere no matter where it was. Not if you wanted me around.”
“I do,” Theo said, voice breaking and eyes glinting. “More than anything. I want you around.”
A smile tugged at my lips. It was small, it was exhausted, but it was Theo’s, and I couldn’t have stopped it even if I wanted to.
“Then we’re?—”
“No,” Theo interrupted, backing away. My heart plummeted as he took his hands away, holding them up between us.
“No?”
“No.” Theo shook his head, taking a deep breath. “We’re not okay. You never make me apologize. You sweep all my failures and flaws under the rug and you shouldn’t. You should make me apologize to you. Ellie’s right.”
I raised an eyebrow. When did Ellie come into it?
“I ran into her while I was looking for you,” Theo explained. “She... made some good points. You’re lucky to have her.”
“I know,” I said softly. “There’s no one in my life I’m not lucky to have.”
Two bright stripes of pink streaked across Theo’s cheeks. I could never figure out why that alone didn’t make people fall head over heels in love with him at first sight.
“I owe you... probably a million apologies. Don’t wave me off,” Theo said, cutting me off before I’d even taken a breath to tell him it was fine.
“You always say it’s fine but it’snot. It’s not fine, Simon. I don’t... I...”
He swallowed, eyes shining as he looked at me. If he started crying, I’d start crying, too. My eyes were already stinging in anticipation.
