“I do it differently is all,” she says, as she reaches for her shot. “How will we share the lime juice if we shoot together?”
“I’ll show you,” I say, and reach for my shot, raising it for a toast. “Here’s to the truth and that it will set me free.”
I clink my glass to hers. Lick, shoot, and pour the juice in my mouth before swallowing.
She watches, a split second behind me and does the same. Lick, shoot, and as she reaches for the lime juice, I pull her in by her neck and kiss her hard. The lime on my lips and tongue erasing the tequila from her lips.
She looks stunned. Heated by the kiss and I love the effect I have on this woman. “Sorry. When everything is said and done, I wanted to have one last kiss.”
“Sully, why do you keep talking like the truth will make me hate you?”
“Because in the end you should hate me. Run far and fast from me, Pet… But you deserve the truth and to make the choice yourself.”
“Sully…” she says, and places her hand on mine in a gesture of reassurance I wish I could believe.
“One thing, Pet,” I say, lifting her hand and kissing the top. “I want you to call me Sam. In this, this truth? I am and will always be Sam. Sully is my ego. My status as an artist… my brand. This truth, it has nothing to do with Sully, but everything to do with Sam Sullivan.”
“Okay, Sam,” she says sweetly, and looks to the tremors in my hands and pours us two more shots. “One more. Calm your nerves a minute.”
She hands me mine and repeats the process I had done only minutes before. I handed her my left hand not wanting her to see Kace’s name. Once we are ready to shoot, I look to the bottle of lime juice.
“You’ll see,” she says and holds her glass up. “Cheers to liking because, and loving in spite of.” She looks at me and smiles. “And to you learning that lesson tonight.”
She takes my hand in hers. “Follow me,” she says, then licks my hard and takes her shot. I watch tongue tied and twisted as she drops the lime juice on her tongue, and pulls me in to share the sour as it fades away to nothing, but Mya and the fire she ignites in me.
I want to linger. I want to lay her on this table and devour every inch, but refuse to take any more of her until she knows my demons.
“I like your way better,” I say, dropping a sweet kiss on her nose before leaning back.
“I like you,” she says, openly with no fear, and I wish I could be that free.
“I like you too, Mya, more than I have the right to,” I admit, seeing the blush on her cheeks at my finally admitting it. “I haven’t been fair to you, Mya. I have run from you since the first time I touched you. I wanted to touch you, Pet, more than anything, and when I did I felt like a thief taking something I had no right coveting.”
I stand, not wanting to hear a response from her. I know she would tell me she wants me, and they are words I don’t want to be reminded of when this is over. “I married Deja when she was twenty and I was just shy of twenty-one. We rushed into it. Both were starting out as artists in the same studio and we sparked like flash fires. Deja was a talented artist, but her ego got the best of her. She knew she was good and thought of herself like someKat Von Drevisited. She changed, and by then it was too late to bail. She was pregnant with our daughter, Kace, and I wanted to do the right thing.
“I should have caught on to her wanting to leave us. I don’t know, but once Kace came, we both lived separate lives. I loved Deja, I did.” I look at her so she knows that I didn’t stray and never would have. I need her to know my loyalty never faltered, even after Kace was gone. “Kace was almost three. By then, we had a studio in Seattle and business was hot. We booked ourselves every day. We hired a nanny who came to the shop with us every day. Kace was a part of that shop and everyone loved her, took care of her. We decided to throw a party, like the ones we do at the PIT. I don’t know what happened, it was insane, and shit got out of control. People were everywhere and I wanted to find Lindsay, our nanny, and ask her to take Kace home.”
I stop from pacing and try to breathe when I see a shot of tequila and the bottle of lime juice handed to me from Mya. I took the shot without the chaser and tried to take a deep breath.
“Want to take a break? Go smoke or something?” she asks me, knowing I am rich with anxiety and of little fucking faith that I will make it through this story.
“No. This is part of the mystery, Pet. This shit will never get easier to tell.”
I pour one more shot, take it, and get myself back on track. “Looking for them, I head to the back office. There were toys and movies for Kace back there and assumed they were in there.... but when I opened the door, I saw one of our artists, a new guy named Cordell, railing my fucking wife. They had no idea I was there right then, what I saw and heard. Everything kind of fried out there and I just needed to leave, get away before I beat that mother fuckers’ brains in.”
I try to rest on the back of the couch, folding my arms to try to appear calm, when I am nothing of the sort. “I cruised over to my folks to chill out, talk rational to my dad. I did what I thought was the right thing, but I had slammed that office door on my way out and Deja knew I knew. So…”
I feel my voice crack and hate the burning in my eyes. I close them and swallow the lump in my throat. “So, I turned my phone off, got piss drunk, and crashed. My dad came in six hours later and woke me telling me we needed to get to the police station.” I look at her, tears falling. There is no hiding them even though I hate the feel of them on my face. “My old man is a detective for Seattle. Deja called him when she realized I wasn’t answering.”
I swallow, unable to hold back the tears. I just can’t. I have told this story enough to be strong through it. With Mya, I can’t because I am terrified that she will leave me when all is said and done. So, I sit and cry as quiet as I can be, hating how weak I look.
“Why did you need to go to the police station Sam?” she asks, as she rises from her chair and brings me the bottle. No glass, no lime, no salt. Bare bones, she hands me the bottle and her eyes tell me she knows why. She is giving me the chance to purge this shit once and for all.
One handed, I drink from the bottle and with the other, I rub my eyes trying to clear the pain. It is never ending though. I should know better. I lean forward and set the bottle at my feet, sniff a few times, and keep my eyes on the floor. “To file a missing person’s report on Kace. Dad had an Amber Alert issued within the hour.”
I look up when I hear the gasp and see Mya, hand over her mouth, with a horrified expression in her eyes. “We didn’t know who took her. Lyndsay said they fell asleep in my booth sharing headphones and watching a movie on my laptop. She was asleep about three hours, so it was sometime between twelve and three a.m. that she was taken. No witnesses, no trace of her, she was just gone…”
I look at her then, I see the disenchantment now. I lost the sparkle that captivated her. She could see me for what I really am. An awful father and a disaster of a man.
