Chapter Eight
I am torn in two
Hold on, hold on we’re barely alive
I am faded through
Hold on, hold on
The fallen arise
I will fight this war for you
A
nd let the dawn of love survive
Broken I crawl back to life.
Sully
I drove for hours hating myself for trying and then running. I tell her I have integrity and then refuse to let her near me… I meant what I said. I do detest myself. I hate that I keep her so far away when she is all I want. I am overwhelmed by the urge to tell her. To open my wounds and tell her I failed my own blood and left her in danger. How could she love me knowing what I did? What I allowed, by running away, instead of facing Deja and Cordell once and for all? I know that she deserves the truth and the choice to tell me to fuck off because of that truth.
I stop by my house. I change out of the clothes I wore to impress her, feeling like a fool for trying in the first place. I didn’t have to try with Mya, she wants me as I am. If I am going to tell her the truth, I am going to do it as Sam, and leave my ego behind.
I pull out one of my white tank tops and throw it on, with a pair of blackDickies, and myChucks. I grab my black bandana and tie it over my head, covering my scalp, then throw theMetal Mulishahat over the bandana. I take one final look in the mirror at who I am. My ink is on display. Though my legs, chest, and back are fully covered, she will see my story in the ink on display like never before.
I riffle through my cupboards until I see the bottle ofPatron. I grab my keys, the bottle, and head to face the music.
I pull into theCove Apartmentsand let my memory guide me to her apartment. The last time I was here, she was drunk and confused, but I had been the gallant one. I put her to bed with water andAdvilfor the morning.
I wanted to tell her that night, just in case she had awoken before I fled, but like usual I ran from her. Tonight, she would know why. Even if the cost was losing her. She deserved to know and make her own choice on where I stand in her life.
I see her car and sigh with relief. A small part of me feared I would go through the hellish anxiety getting to her and finding her gone.
I grab my phone from the Bluetooth connect and call her. She answers on the first ring. “Hello?” she asks with a sniffle.
“I’m outside… I’m ready to talk if you will listen?”
“Yeah….come up.”
I lock the truck up after grabbing a PIT hoodie, and the bottle ofPatron, and make my way to Mya and the truth.
She was at the door, holding it open when I made it to her. I could see the shock in her eyes when she sees how I am dressed, that I changed from the clothes earlier.
“You look different,” she says, locking the door behind me. I can’t help, but to allow my eyes to roam her body. Her tats cover her arms and chest, but the delicate nature of the ink stills me as I take in her beauty.
Nothing on this earth could compare to Mya’s beauty. She is stunning to me and has no idea the control she tests even being in the same room as me. I open her cupboards and look for shot glasses, finding them easily.
“Why did you go change, Sully?” she asks, as I hand her one and come around the corner to her fridge, hoping for a lime.
I see a bottle of lime juice that will work and take it, and the salt shaker off her counter, and make my way to her bistro style table in the kitchen dining area.
“Hello?” she says again, annoyed by my lack of small talk.
“I changed because the things I need to talk to you about are gonna kill me. I need to feel like myself. I dress like this in my down time. The studio is built on my name and Noah’s, and it comes with a level of class white tank tops don’t reach. I also never hide the tats on my head because the ink is killer, done by Noah, and a canvas of its own.” I pour us both a shot, placing hers in front of her, and place the salt and lime juice next to the bottle. “I also needed someTequilafor this because it isn’t easy and there is legit nobody on this planet I want to drinkPatronwith more than you.”
I lick my hand over Kace’s name in the crease of my thumb and finger, then cover it with salt. I feel her watching my every move. I reach for her hand, licking the same spot, and covering it with salt. “Come on, Pet. You know how to line it up.”
