I wasn’t prepared for his reaction though and I am reminded of Cal's taunting,'Call your buddy Noah, ask him how deep I went looking to please her. Research the lengths I went and then ask me to forget it all and be with you.'
"Why would you fight him when you know it's all you want? Honestly Jen?" He sounds mad almost, beyond disappointment.
"Because I watched him with Tayla over this last year and he still loves her Noah. Trust me, I would do it and run to him if I didn’t know that Axe would be the damaged one in this."
"Don’t use Axe in this, it's a low blow excuse. You loved him when he was planning a wedding and she was raising your kid, so no sweets it’s not why."
"Let me get this right, you’re pissed at me for thinking of my son first?" I hate to argue with Noah, but I am willing to right now.
"You aren’t though, you are putting you first because you’re a fucking pussy." He says and points at me yelling. "Pussy!"
He kicks a bucket that was beside the garage door and nails and various screws roll out onto the garage floor.
Carrie hears it and comes to the door. "Look, its none of my business, but Jesus Noah, filter!"
He nods and waves for her to go inside and looks at me when the door shuts. "Sorry, but I watched him lose his mind that Thanksgiving. I watched him fall apart tenfold that night in his studio and trash it. You cannot begin to understand how hard we all were on him where Tay was concerned when he tried to get her to give him another chance. No idea Jen."
"He told me that, but why do I need to take all the risk? I shouldn’t pay for her mistakes. Hell, I followed his lead at first after fucking me Noah, so no I won’t pity him when he tells me one thing then falls apart over her repeatedly."
He looks at me with disbelief. "What the actual fuck are you talking about?"
"After Christmas on the porch..." I look at him to see if he knows what I mean and he rolls his eyes and motions for me to continue. "That morning after Axe opened his gifts from her, she asked to talk to him in the sound room and two hours later they come up and he looks relaxed as fuck and she looks coy and even winked at me like the bitch she is when she left. He fucked her, I guarantee it. She always talked to him down there and they always came back looking happy. I got sick of that rerun for God’s sake!" I walk until I am in front of him and force him to see me.
"I am not weak or a pussy. I watched that shit show for months until I started my apprenticeship and had a good reason to only be there when I knew she wasn’t."
He hugs me and curses a few times, but really says nothing else on it. He and I are at a stalemate with this and I worry it will cause problems between us. "Promise me that this won’t affect you and I Noah? I can’t afford to lose this friendship..." I feel my tears fall and hug him tighter. "You are all I can rely on, please don’t choose."
He nods and pulls me back so I can see his eyes and trust him at his word. "Then don’t make me choose Jen. I won’t choose. Cal is family to me and one of my best friends as are you. This thing could fuck shit up between us if you both don’t figure your shit out together."
I shake my head yes, but he gently shakes my shoulders so I look at him again. "What if he was here giving me his point of view Jen? How would you feel? I guarantee you it would be what he feels right now knowing you would run to me and that shits unfair as all hell. I love you both, remember that."
"So, what? I can’t confide in you anymore?" I ask and I know his answer and though I hate it I agree with it.
"Not where he is concerned. I got to be out babes. You guys got to do this shit on your own. I refuse to be on someone’s side or in the middle. I refuse because in this you both have reasons."
"And if it blows up in my face?" I hiccup on my words and try to calm down.
"Jen, if you get upset and need a friend I will be here. I will always be here. I just can’t advise or pick sides. If you need to cry or freak out or scream, I am all ears. I just won’t comment feel me?"
I nod, feeling better knowing he won’t leave me to heal alone and I understand his not wanting to be more than a shoulder to cry on. This is between Cal and I, and we need to fix it to avoid hurting Noah.
"Let’s get you packed then, we have limited time here." I say, and as much as I want to run from his pseudo lecture, I won’t. He is my best friend and for once we have boundaries and that is doable. I owe Noah the respect and courtesy to keep him from the ugly shit Cal and I have and so I will.
"Well, see I have excess in funds so I also have people coming to pack." He winks and pulls me in toward the house. "Besides, there is a reason that I wanted you to come over."
"Oh yeah? What now, proposing too?" I ask and stop short when Carrie and Noah both look at me.
"Ohmigawd...Seriously?" I feel my eyes well with tears and it is because I am overwhelmed by the excitement for him. “Noah..." I say and hug him at a loss for words.
"She'll say yes right?" He asks me and I tell him yes without a doubt and Carrie agrees.
"Your delusional if you think she isn’t panting waiting to be your wife."
He scrubs his hands over his head and I know he is terrified. "She loves you so much Noah. Why are you scared? It's a no brainer."
"Do you..." He pauses and looks to Carrie who stands beside him. "Is it a bad omen or something? Like what if God isn’t done fucking with my life?"
We both know why he fears asking. Candey dies the same night he proposed.
