I was raised humble, and I mean humble. There were Christmases I got food and socks and was thankful. I want that same graciousness in Axe for the simple fact that he will always strive for more.
I make him toast and peel a banana and set them in front of him with a juice box and wait for him to tell me thank you.
'Thank you.' He signs, but keeps looking out the window, lost on whatever unfair notion he thinks of me.
I pour my coffee and look at my phone seeing a text from Cal.
Cal: Hey, left at six to get to practice. I know shit is out of control right now and that you hate me, but please come tonight Red. Everything will be clear tonight.
I don’t respond even though I know I am going to support him tonight. I don’t respond because I have nothing to say. Seeing them kissing unhinged something inside of me that left me questioning anything. He loved her, for years and built a life with her. Wanted to marry her. Wanted her to mother our son. It would be a foolish notion to hope he felt nothing.
I have dated and I have cared for other men over our history. I know it's hard to explain those draws when you know you love someone else. I always loved Cal more than any other guy. I fear that what he is to me, is what Tayla is to him. I cannot afford to be an afterthought, or next contestant.
Noah text me then as Axe brings me his plate and throws his napkin away, looking at me like he is waiting for my phone and I don’t know what is up with the attitude. 'Thank you for cleaning up your breakfast.' I sign and read the message.
Noah: Bright wants you to meet at our place before his show. Pregame shit I’m sure.
Me: Ok, I will text when I am on my way.
I look at Axe who is glaring at me. "What's the attitude about Axe Calvin Dorian?" I sign as I speak and see him flinch at the use of the full birth name.
'I can’t go see daddy and Lex play.' He signs and I see fat tears welling in his eyes. I feel bad that I didn’t know he was feeling left out.
"Baby, this show is for adults only. You have to be able to drive a car to get into it." I explain and leave out the twenty-one and over thing because he won’t understand.
'That’s dumb.' He states and stomps his foot as tears fall.
"Dumb is a mean word Axe and you know it." I sign with my voice getting loud from frustration he can’t hear.
'You’re dumb and I like dads shows. I wear ear things that protect me so you’re lying and that makes you dumb.'
Now, I have done the parenting classes and sensitivity therapy for kids with disabilities that are there to help you understand... but he went and pissed me off because this was spoiled brat shit and nothing to do with his hearing being the factor and he knew it.
"Listen here little boy. I am your mom and it is my job to make sure that you are safe, respectful and happy. If I can’t make you happy, I guarantee it is because I am keeping you safe and respectful. Whatever this is, isn’t open for discussion andnowyou can go to your room." I sign fast as I speak, but I know he got the point of my anger.
He went to interrupt me and I took his hands in mine. "No, do not argue with me. I said go to your room. If you fight me on this you will lose all electronics for the day."
He yanks his hands from me and looks me dead in the eyes. 'So?' He signs, and hand to God... I was more a mother than ever before.
'Okay, that’s done. Want to lose more?' I sign.
He shrugs and smiles a mean smile at me. 'I know you’re lying. I go to his shows a lot.'
"Keep it up and I will call dad and have him come explain it to you." I state firmly and wait for him to call my bluff.
Which he does.
What the hell is up with my normally sweet kiddo?
I keep my cool and shrug same as him and call Cal on facetime. I have no clue how to explain this fit, but so be it if he thinks for one second either of us will cater to the fit.
I prop the phone and sit where he can see me and my hands when he answers. "Hey babe..." He says it cautiously and I could care less about the shit yesterday. Right now, we are mom and dad.
"Your son wants to talk to you." I sign and speak so Axe can see I mean business. Cal knew my tone did and Axe couldn’t care less right now.
"What’s up little man?" He signs and asks, looking between the two of us and see's my frustration and his tears. "Why you crying dude?"
Axe starts signing a mile a minute telling Cal how mean I am and I am floored by the outburst when Cal interrupts him and claps his hands in front of the screen making Axe flinch.
