I shrug because it was the truth. I pay fucking attention where she is concerned.
“She thinks you asked to come along because you’re scared she will go all fangirl party girl and fuck twelve dudes.”
I choke on my beer floored by what he said. Noah never played gentle, he said everything with the gusto of ripping off a band-aid. When he says she thinks that’s why though, it stings. I shake my head no and look at her again, dancing and free. “I came because I hated knowing I wouldn’t see her tonight.”
He looks at me confused.
“Mya called and asked to take him to the blueberry farm for an arts festival. I was going to see if she wanted to hang with me tonight. She started telling me I was too arrogant to remember what it was like to be a fan, not a performer. I asked if I could come along.” I look at Noah now and need him to believe me. He is her closest friend and one of mine, though their bond is much different than he and I. “I just wanted to be around her Noah. The farthest thing from my mind is Jen reverting to the party girl. She isn’t that chick anymore, I know that and I don’t question it.”
“Tell her that then.” He says and we are interrupted when his wife hops on his back. “Girl, I about threw you.” He pulls her over his back until she is in front of him with her legs around him. They are so happy, he had a long trip to get to where he is today, but he won her over and I have never seen him happier. I think of my boys and how happy they are, how it’s common to see them all cutesy with their girls like Bright and Noah now.
It is another reminder of what Tay and I never had, and what I want. I never knew I wanted it either until last Christmas after spending the entire night inside of Jen.
“Hey you.” Jen says and pulls me from my inner monologue.
“Hey you.” I say back and loop my arm over her shoulders pulling her in close. I know she loves when I hang on her and once I figured that out I do it a hell of a lot more now. I tug her ponytail until she is looking up at me. “Wanna come with me to get a beer?”
She laughs and looks around. “I am all for you shedding the rock star image Cal, but I don’t know if this is the place to do it.”
“Don’t be a pussy. You got the vouchers, I got the cash. Let’s venture out. Old Cal would have no problem getting his own beer.”
She looks around again and then nods. “Okay, let’s go.” She tugs me along, looping her arm through mine and comes up to Raleigh. “We are going to get beers, want anything birthday boy?”
“Oh, can I come so I can be seen with Cal Dorian by all the cute boys here?” He looks at me and winks and I can’t help but laugh. Dude has no boundaries at all, but I also know he feels safe with all of us by those actions. Raleigh was forced to play straight his entire life so he appreciates being accepted by both our group and Jen’s.
“This is the artist formally known as Cal Dorian. He isn’t the rock star we love this evening. This Cal Dorian, concert lover and a nobody just like the rest of us.”
“Oh baby, he will never be that.” Raleigh says and looks at me. “Who you are matters so who gives a fuck how its portrayed?”
I laugh, feeling kind of awkward. “Thanks, Ral. Need anything?” I ask hoping to deflect the conversation.
“Reds Apple Ale.” He says and starts dancing. “Bright snuck whiskey in for me.”
I can’t help but laugh at that remembering when we used to do the same thing. “Damn it, why didn’t I think of that?” I say and smack her ass, eliciting a few stares from her friends.
“Because you forgot, now you’re remerging.” She says and tugs me along toward the beer stand. “I don’t want you to lose who you are Cal. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I like you and who you are, I just think you lack the luster in life is all.”
I hear the tension in her voice and I think she’s concerned she offended me. We get to the line and I pull her in front of me so her back is to my chest and use my chin to move her hair around. She loves when I do this, but it also gives me her undivided attention.
“I know that Pope. I think I owe you an explanation to.”
I feel her shiver and I want this with her constantly. “What’s that?” She asks and turns so she can see me, and we are chest to chest.
I cup her face in my hands so she is looking at me. “I weaseled my way to this show tonight because I wanted to hang out with you and nothing else.” I see her eyes light up at that and she swallows hard so I kiss her in case my words weren’t enough. The time is coming for us to shit or get off the pot and I want her. Not just to fuck her, but I want her and I need to clear the path to make sure she knows it.
Her lips taste like cherries, they always do because of that lip gloss that has me addicted. I want to take it further, taste every inch of her mouth, but it is our turn for brews so I pull back slowly and drop a sweet kiss to her nose.
We had a comfortable silence on our way back, her arm still hooked through mine as we carried our beers and Ral’s. By the time we made it to the group the venue went dark and cell phones lit it up.
This was my favorite part on stage, seeing the crowd vibrate and pulse like a heartbeat. I look around at the crowd, the place is packed to the seams, about twenty-two thousand people all hear to light the night up with Denver.
I hear those first few strums of his acoustic and the place went ape shit. I immediately smile and look around as the crowd all come forward a few feet. Those few feet don’t help you see anything else and your eyes train to the large screen on both sides of the stage and everyone is screaming.
And I get it.
I remember exactly this feeling. I feel it now. I have partied with Denver, I have his cell number in my phone, but seeing it here as a fan not a friend?
Priceless.
