Cory had left his mark and though the doctors had tried to fix the mess he made, they were still a mess of jagged lines and ugly as hell.
I traced my hands over the one thing I loved and had been working on with Noah. I applied the cream along my hip and over my ass as I followed the detail I loved so much. The tattoo was a piece of art. The designs and patterns were tattooed in thick black and crawling up my hip, around my backside, over my ribs and landing beneath my left breast in tribal tree branches with bright pink cherry blossoms, some bloomed and some not. The tattoo took an entire year for me to save the money and get it done in pieces. I had wanted a reflection of my mind’s eye and called Noah every chance I had and begged him to do the work. Every time he was in town he added me and I always had to sneak my money to him because he would never take it. The last time I finally told him that it meant everything to me to be able to pay for it with my money and not have to feel shamed by it.
Noah took the money with an uncomfortable sigh but took it none the less.“I understand needing shit on your own and so I won’t fight you even if I hate it.”
I leaned in and kissed his cheek.“Too bad.”
I looked to the mirror now, dressed in a sexy but appropriate outfit, my makeup a little more flawless than usual. My breasts were fabulous so at least I could make him pant a little. It was so weird that the minute Shamus arrived, the small speck of the girl I used to be shined through a little. If not for Shamus having so much going for him, and me with my secrets, I wondered if I would have bothered changing the rules and dressing modestly? I knew that even if he were a fry cook at Burger King, I would have gone to him tonight, dressed as I was now.
I may still love Shamus, but I wasn’t a doormat either. He left me with no concern or thought for what pain it caused me.
I had no problem making him sweat a little once he saw me. I would show him I was just fine without him… even if I wasn’t.
*
Cassa
The drive over to Jerry’s took less than five minutes and Carrie drove in slowly taking a mental count of all the cars in the small driveway looking for any she recognized. You never would have thought a drunk lived here. The house was small on a giant piece of property that wound to a dock in the back. Jerry’s boat sat silent and alone on the water. I could make out the name on the side of the craft and smiled. ‘I Got Crabs’. He named the boat that knowing people would never forget the name. He was right. Beneath the name was the small writing. James and Son. He had purchased this house with Brenda his wife long before Shame was born. Brenda was from Gig Harbor and Jerry was Seattle born and raised. When they found out they were having Shame, Brenda wanted to raise him in Gig Harbor instead of the city. Jerry turned the house into his business home. Four months out of the year he lived in Seattle, which meant he was out on the water and only docking in Seattle. The minute Shame turned eighteen Jerry moved to Seattle and Shamus stayed in Gig Harbor, both content to be apart.
Jerry had always wanted Shamus to come home and take over the business. Shame always wanted music and it was the two separate dreams they had that shattered the father son bond between them. Jerry died waiting for Shamus to come home for good.
I walked to the front of the house looking at the perfectly manicured yard. Jerry would mow it every Sunday before his shakes kicked in. He would drink a six-pack while he worked to get it perfect. Then he would reward himself after his chores were complete.
We knocked gently on the screen door. I could hear the footsteps as they walked toward the door and held my breath as my heart started beating its way from my chest. My entire body erupted in nervous jitters. I was going to face Shamus, love of my life and empty pit of my soul in just seconds, and I was excited.
Fuck!
The faint shadow as it got closer to the door was one a of woman. I looked at Carrie in confusion and knew she was hiding something. For a girl with secrets she sure sucks at hiding things from others. When I was sure I would pass out from the anticipation the door opened.
*
Cassa
“Jesus Roni you gave me a heart-attack.” I exclaimed with a smile as I pulled her in close. “How’s the drama?”
“No drama yet but the night’s still early.” She winked and handed over a sleeping Noelle to an anxious Carrie hence the smile Carrie had been wearing just seconds before. There was no secret, the woman just missed her baby girl.
“No don’t go through there you’ll be swarmed.” Carrie said in a hushed voice as she pulled me around the side of the house instead of walking through the front door, Noelle curled closely into her neck. “Shamus is in there with someskanknamed Becky or some shit and she is a completefangirl”
So there was the secret the little traitor. She knew I would have gone on back to the car if I had known he brought a girl. Just hearing his name was like taking a knife to the chest. For the first time in two years I was less than a hundred feet from Shamus James, love of my life. “Well seeing Shame now after all this time with afangirlhanging off his arms sounds like torture.” I didn’t even hesitate to snag a bottle ofLynchburgLemonadefrom the cooler outside and opened it immediately.
“I’m sorry Sass, I should have been more considerate.” Carrie pulled me in for a hug and squeezed the life out of me wrapping us both around baby Noelle. Carrie had lived a life of terror until Noah was old enough to run away with them both. How she stayed so upbeat and positive was a lesson I wished I could learn. “Stay out here with us. We’re the cool ones anyway.”
I laughed and followed her to the bonfire burning bright, the Puget Sound was glistening in the distance.“Sis.” Mikey said and slapped a hand on Roni’s hips to stand and kiss her. They both walked to Carrie and I, fake smiles in place. “How are you holding up?” Mike asked, forcing me to cringe and roll my eyes.
“Mikey it’s not like I am a fan meeting the band. I’m fine. Jerry was my friend, my second father. Seeing Shamus again in this situation sucks but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous.”
“He asked about you when we got here.” Mike said. He had always been more like one of the girls when it came to gossip.
I took a seat beside Carrie and smiled to Chad Blake, the lead singer in TAT.“Hey Chad.”
He stood all six feet four of him. Chad was the sexy one of the group. Chad got most the attention as the lead singer, with swagger that no girl could ignore. I heard a small sigh from Carrie beside me and I knew they would be sneaking off somewhere. They were like teenagers non-stop. Shame and I had been like that once, Carrie had even said she wished she and Chad could be as strong as me and Shame… how times have changed.
Once they found one another and let all the bad go, the bad found me and Shame and we lost one another.“Don’t ‘hey Chad’ me. Get over here Cassa.”
His arms were open but he didn’t wait for me to stand when he scooped me up in a hug. “I’m so sorry ‘bout Jerry Cass. I know how connected you two were.”
“Thanks Chad.” I whispered and held him tight. Chad was no different from Cal or Noah and had bent backwards, sideways and upside down to make sure I was protected in the nightmare that was Corey. Hearing Chad say he understood my connection to Jerry made my heart ache. Chad understood broken because of his wife and the broken pieces he helped to mend.
