Nickleback
Chapter Twenty Nine
Shamus
It has been two days since Candey passed away. Two days in this fucking hospital waiting room as we all wait for Noah to wake up. Two days since everything I thought was right went horribly wrong.
Cassa and Carrie went to Mike and Roni’s to check on Noelle. Carrie has been a living breathing fixture in the hospital the last two days. Knowing it cant be held off anymore, they will be meeting Candey’s mom in Gig Harbor at four to make Candey's funeral arrangements.
I am here with Cal and Chad as we wait for Noah to wake up. He needs to wake up because Candey wont be laid to rest until he does. According to the Dr.’s here at Overlake Hospital, Noah is in a state of shock and it is his minds way of protecting him from the harsh reality he already knows on some level.
We have refused to leave until he wakes up. Cassa has left to gather clothes and food, as have the roadies because TAT has taken up residence until he is back.
Cal is sitting in a chair by the window texting Tayla about our press release on the accident. She is giving us until seven pm tonight because while we are all dying over the tragedy and fear for Noah, the world is salivating over the gory details.
I will be speaking tonight on the events that took place two nights ago and I am doing it for Noah and Candey and no one else.
Tayla asked if I would do it. We knew that Chad couldn’t because of Noah being his closest friend in the world, this was killing him. Mr. Perfect looked like shit for the first time in his life and it was sad as hell. On top of the sadness over Candey's unfair and untimely death, he was worried for Noah and that meant he was distraught for Carrie.
Cal is acting like nothing has happened. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it, but per the Cal Dorian handbook this is his way of dealing and always has been.
So it left me to be the voice of TAT tonight and tell the world and our adoring fans of the hit and the loss we took. There were vigils out the window of Noah’s room. Fans with posters begging for his recovery, sympathy for his loss and posters with pictures of him and Candey on them stating that true love will never die.
I see them and I know they are loyal and the reason we do what we want and get paid for it, but I hope like fuck Noah never see’s that shit. In this moment I understand why that banded around Cassa after her attack and did what they could to keep me from knowing and the world from telling me.
This is in your face support, and though they mean well they will undoubtedly make things worse with pictures on poster boards showing him what he has lost.
This is not fair.
Before my thoughts can run away on me I see Noah shift and then…his eyes open slowly and he visibly struggles to focus. I slap Cal on the leg to get his attention and point at Noah’s awakening body. “Get the nurse or doctor or some shit.” I say and stand to make my way to his side. “Grab Chad too.” I say as he makes his way to the door. Cal is shaken by the certainty of what we are about to answer when Noah wakes up fully.
We don’t know if he will remember or if, God forbid, we need to lay it all out for him. I honestly don’t know what could be worse. Knowing she died with him, in his arms if I were in his shoes I don’t think I would want to forget those final precious moments.
“Hey.” I say and see him panic some at the sight of the tube down his throat. He go’s to reach for it but I stop him and shake my head. “Cal went to get the nurse, just chill a sec yeah?”
I watch…literally watch as his eyes scan the room. Slowly he takes in the flowers, the various food containers from all of us being in and out and then those sad eyes land on me and I watch him realize it all was real. I know he knows because he shakes his head no and looks at me with a pleading look. He is begging me through shattered eyes to tell him this was all a dream.
He isbeggingme to tell him he was dreaming.
I want to lie so bad right now because I can't be the one that essentially confirms his worst nightmare. I am reminded of all the times over the last few months that Noah told me true, no matter how bad it hurt or gutted me to know I was wrong. Gutted me to know he had my girls back in her darkest hours. I could not lie to him.
I sit down and pull close and take his hand in mine because I need him to feel some kind of connection to all he has fighting for him. In this moment I am TAT, Carrie, Noelle and every damn fan praying for him.
“I don’t know what you’re thinking Noah, but I can guess.”
He shakes his head no so rapidly that the tubes sending oxygen through his nose slips free and gets tangled in the tube down his throat. I can hear him trying to wail and fight me and I am so fucking wrecked right now it is hard to look at him.
But I do.
I look him square in the eyes, eyes that are crying, wet and red, and I watch him losing the control he so desperately needs to survive. I grab his hands and try to keep him from tearing everything to shreds, though I know he is torn to shreds.
Inside out.
“I’m so sorry Noah.” I choke on the tears that fall from my own eyes and for the first time in my life I am not ashamed. “It’s true. I'm so fucking sorry.” I cry and the pain rendering sounds he makes, unable to speak and scream break me far more than any other thing in my life. I have never seen pain like this.
Not ever.
I hear him crying out and it is broken and sounds painful because of the ventilation tube. His hands are going to his chest and I know it must hurt to cry with the tri-fecta of surgeries he has undergone. Though he feels the physical pain, he is only concerned by the mental fuck he is getting knowing she is gone.
