She is tough as nails Shame, she doesn’t remember it, but she is.” He fills his coffee and I am still trying to retain all the good damn points he made. I really, really, want to be Noah when I grow up, because he has a way of cutting through piles of bullshit and ugly to find the real and the pretty.
“Do you know that she only ever cried twice?”
This makes me pause in all thought and reason.“No. I don’t know anything about her past with him other than the night he tried killing her.”
“I’ll say this and only this because there is purpose to it, the rest is on her. I’ll never have to be the one to tell you everything because I know Cassa and she won’t let me or anyone back her into a corner, which was the point I was trying to make last night. That being said, I will tell you he forced her to eat garbage once, rubbed her face in coffee grounds and rotten food, then forced her to eat it. She cried because of the degradation of it, not because he hurt her and she couldn’t understand why, but because he humiliated her. The second time she cried and the only time she begged, was the night he almost killed her. That’s it Shame. He beat her fucking senseless almost every day, some real sadistic shit too, and she always fought back, gave attitude. But only twice did she cry.”
“Holy fuck.” I say because there are no words to match what I am thinking right now, but it’s a mixture of utter rage and total sadness and oddly pride in knowing how bad she fought it.
“Yep. So I made my point last night, that I was sick of the drama and the fighting and that she needed to come clean before I blew it all out. Fucking Candey and Carrie both had my ass in a sling for it too, but like you and everyone else they don’t seem to remember who the fuck that girl is.”
I chose my words carefully here because I can see Noah is sick and tired of being the go to guy for us and our drama. He doesn’t see how needed and awesome he is. We all try reminding him in ways he won't figure out and nut us for it, but even now I know asking what to do will only set him off. Noah has given me the answer, but he does so in a way that still leaves you guessing. I however have found a loophole in his way of things. “What would you do if you were in my shoes?”
He lets out a low whistle between his teeth and seems to ponder my question.“Well, I wouldn’t kiss her ass and pussy foot around her anymore that’s for sure. I would take what I know into consideration and then back her in a corner and demand the truth. I do it with Carrie, I did it with Candey… with anyone. But I’m a dominant, unlike the likes of any of you. I have my own way of being heard. You need to find what works for you and what you can live with, but tread carefully bro.”
This… was absolutely not helpful at all.
“Yeah for sure.” I pretend, when now, I’m even more confused.
“I’m heading out to see my niece. I would call Chad and Cal and tell em’ thanks for the lift up the hill.” He laughs and heads out leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I need to get to my dad’s place on Mercer and check the house and I know why I am there I will end up going to Cass and begging her to fucking talk. Until then, I need to think of all that shit Noah laid out for me and see if I can find the answer somewhere.
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Evanescence
Chapter Twenty Three
Cassa
I pulled into the drive of Jerry’s house and let the engine run. I looked at the house, so small compared to the others on the island. Jerry was so proud of owning his own home on the elite island; his small empire was bigger than he thought. There were no lights on inside and I wondered if Shamus would ever come here again. I got out of the car and walked up the stone path, rain beating against my skin, but I didn’t feel it, all I felt was the pain in my chest knowing Jerry wasn’t here to fix things this time. I was here now hoping to find some rationality before I made my way to Shamus in Gig tonight. I put my key in the lock and stepped inside. The small lamp on the side of the couch was still on like Jerry had left it and his house keys were in the dish next to the door. I locked it behind me and walked into the kitchen and froze when I saw the French doors leading to a large patio, open.
I peered around the side of the door and felt a moment of panic to the large figure in dark clothes sitting on the wooden bench at the end of the dock, but I knew who it was. Shamus sat looking out over the water, no jacket as the rain raged against him. I grabbed a jacket and headed out to meet him on the dock, if he were freezing I would freeze with him and we would finally have this out. Calmness rolled through me as I made my way down the plank to the dock. I would tell him the truth, everything regardless how hard it would be to look him in the eye and admit to all I had let happen and beg him to forgive me.
I saw his back tighten when he heard my footsteps behind him. I paused and wanted to run the other way when he didn’t even turn to see me. I didn’t know what to say or how to start a conversation that was as dark as this would be. But he spoke first.
"No more lies, I want the truth Cassa." His voice was deep and full of anguish and I knew at that moment that he was far more hurt then I thought. I walked towards him and placed my hand on his shoulder, he was freezing but he didn’t move a muscle from the cold, he shrugged at my touch, a sign he didn’t want me touching him. My heart broke when I stepped in front of him and caught sight of the only man I have ever loved. Water was dripping off the brim of his hat and on to his face. His lips so full and ready to please me were now drawn tight from the pain and the cold; his eyes were cold and empty of anything but pain.
"Ok Shame." I said and hung my head, my jacket already soaked I felt a shiver. I couldn’t look at him as I spoke. “Cory started abusing me the day after I was released from the hospital after I had lost our baby.”
