Now she is laughing hysterically and I feel a deep sickness roll through me… the ‘what the fuck did I get into last night’ type. “What Tay?” I ask.
“No way, this one is for the guys to share.” She stands to leave, but stops and drops a small kiss on my head. “I would give anything to be loved like you love her Shame.”
I speak without thinking.“Cal?” It is the one thing I ask, but already know the answer to.
She only smiles a small smile, a sad one and makes her way to the door.“Looks like you may get some answers.” She says and opens the door for Noah as she leaves. “Fuck please tell me you didn’t tell him about last night?” He asks and I can see the excitement coming off him at my possible humiliation.
Tayla laughs and hugs him as she leaves, yelling over her shoulder,“Oh no, I saved it for you guys.”
I make my way back to the kitchen for more coffee and grab a mug for Noah as well before I dock my iPod and get tunes going. Music is in my blood, mix that with coffee and I’ll start coming out of the haze.
I shuffle toPuddle of Muddand hit play onBlurry,right as Noah comes through the kitchen. “Should I start some nice over easy eggs… the runny kind that taste good but still make you sick because you like em’ anyway?”
I gag and shove the empty mug at him knowing he is trying to make me sick.
And succeeding, the dick.
“Blurry?” He asks and cocks a brow as he fills his mug. Noah gets music on the same level as I do. The lyrics and the meaning.
“Makes sense don’t you think?” He knows what I mean by that because the song states it clearly. “Nobody told me what you thought, Nobody told me what to say. Everyone showed you where to turn, told you when to runaway” Yeah Noah got it, even though it made me a bit of a dick.
“Touché?”
I laugh and sit at the counter.“Spill it, what did I do?”
He laughs and leans between the counter and the sink.“It would be easier to tell you what you didn’t do, than what you did.”
I groan and roll my head on my shoulders as“She Hates Me” comes on. Laughing darkly, I turn it up. “I’m guessing this makes sense too?”
Noah looks at me and shakes his head, serious now.“What do you remember?”
I think back over the night. I’m not the blackout drinker, but there have been times that it can take a few days for all of the night's events to come back to me. I can remember the bar and all that took place there. “Well, I remember the bar and yelling at her. Tay showed me pictures the swag mags took and they helped piece it together a little, but I’m a little jaded after the bar.”
He laughs. “Chad and Cal drug you up and down the streets of Bellevue why you yelled and screamed for Cassa to come out come out wherever she was. By the time we made it to her place you were too far gone to talk to her so I went in and told Candey to call a cab. I walked in though in the middle of a chick fest with tears wine and chocolate. Gave me the creeps so I made my point and left.”
“Made what point?”
He groans and rubs his neck in frustration. It’s the dudes only tell and it usually means he wants to nut you. “Dude, I came to make fun of you not for girl talk.”
I knew I was a pussy, I had no choice to own it when it came to Sass.“I hope one day Candey finds a way to baffle you and leaves you wondering what the fuck, because it will happen and when it does I’ll remember this moment.”
I am only half kidding and he knows this.
“Dude, I just told her enough was enough. The evasive bullshit is getting old and I made it clear I wouldn’t pick her over you or the band again. She either starts talking or I do.”
He shrugs like all of that was the norm. Not at all, in fact it’s a complete douche-bag move.
“And you think that can help?” I am close to hyperventilating. “Fuck, I can’t believe you thought threatening her was okay. I thought this was your area of expertise?”
He laughs at me and shakes his head.“You know I never knew that I was surrounded by idiots until recently with this shit between you and Cass. I swear to fuck you are all fucking crazy.”
“Explain because it sounds to me you lost what little warmth you possessed and went for the jugular!”
“What little warmth I had? Fuck you Shame. How about all of you back the fuck up and remember who Cassa is? Get down under the beaten and abused shit and you’ll see she is still there. She has allowed everyone to forget who she is and she allowed it because she forgot too. Cassa is not a submissive pussy Shame.”
This, in all his anger and bullying, makes sense.“Continue…”
“Take a dog, for instance. You get a dog from the pound and the dog is great, full of energy and happiness. But you don’t nurture that and over time that dog loses its vibrancy and over time it can become a killer if treated bad enough. You think me and Carrie were born this jaded? Fuck no, we learned to be careful of everything that had a possibility of hurting us. You can make anyone be submissive, but it doesn’t mean they are naturally that way. Cassa was never submissive. Even the times he tried like fuck to beat her into it, he couldn’t and it’s why each time, the beatings were more severe and the mental shit was more lethal. What happens to a dog that can’t be tamed? You kill it and get another. That is what Cory tried to do and he even failed at that.
