“Maybe you should get some rest Cass.” Roni says as she stands to start cleaning.
I nod and make my way to my room, I close and lock the door because I don’t want to be bothered anymore tonight. They all made good points in both our favors, but it was my choice to talk or let Noah do it for me. The coward in me wanted Noah to tell him all I had told him, but the woman I so desperately missed knew it was a cop out.
*
“So killer, right?” I ask, my voice hoarse from walking down the street yelling for Sassy to come out, come out, wherever you are.
Mike and the guys were following me as I climbed the monster hill to her apartment, staggering the whole way. Mike wasn’t saying much and I knew it was because he was torn between his loyalty to his sister and his best friend.
Noah was on my heels though, right along with me, laughing as I yelled into the night. He kept riling me with things like,“fuck yeah, get your girl” and laughed after I would yell out for her. Chad and Cal were far more reserved though and tried to get me to stop and go home to bed. They wanted me to have a clear head when I saw Cassa, it was Noah who yelled at them. “Haven’t we protected her enough? Seriously? Shame has the right to get her talking, I say Van Morrison would be proud, this is like the song, Sweet Thing.”
That, had all of us laughing.
“At least he is quoting Van and not AIC.” I say with a hiccup and slap him on the back.
“Sheeeeeit! AIC has nothing on this twisted game between you and Cass.”
“It is twisted man,” I say as I drink from the bottle I carry buried in a crumpled brown bag…. then, I start yelling again.
By the time we are at the apartment, Cal and Chad are promising me more beer, but only if I stop yelling.“You are already white-girl wasted.” Cal says annoyed with me.
“Yeah, he is.” Chad says and grunts as I stagger and lean against him nearly taking him off balance.
“Shh. Less, lissen.” I say, swaying from side to side.
I stand there completely numb from the tip of my nose to the tip of my toes and I am so frustrated I can't hear shit. Finally, after an agonizing ten minutes, if that, Noah comes back out, his jovial mood now completely gone.
“Let’s go.” He says and starts walking the opposite direction of where we came.
“Where we going?” Cal yells and scoops through one of my arms and Chad scoops through the other.
“Candey called a cab, we gotta get to Shell down the road.” He says as he jogs across the street. We aren’t moving as fast as Noah because I can barely walk, let alone hold myself up.
“Thank God.” Both Chad and Cal say and I should be offended but I don’t know why. I eyeball Cassa’s apartment as we pass, calling out her name or a vague rendition of it but fail to get her attention.
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
Placebo
Chapter Twenty Two
Cassa
I wake the next morning in a sweat drenched bed with a pounding in my skull. Nightmares of everything I finally faced last night, played out like a jaded and broken movie reel for me all night. I don’t know how many times I woke, grasping at drenched sheets or waking up gasping from ghost pains due to the various kicks I took to my ribs.
“You’re such a fucking useless waste Cass. Fucking leave already…improve my life.”
I could feel the raw and tender scalp from the times he knotted his fist so tight in my hair forcing me to look at him. Feel his hand as it slapped against my cheek in a demand for my submission.“Look at me you fucking cunt.” I could still feel his spit as it hit my face and my tears, hot as a branding iron, as they escaped my eyes, no matter how hard I had fought to keep them back.
