“Don’t stand there and cry at me! Don’t you dare Cassa! I’ve bent to the point of breaking to bring you back to me and all I got from it was bullshit and pissing you off. I’m done kissing your ass, I told you that last night and I mean it still.”
I sit, and wait on pins and needles, because I know she is going to slap me, but what she does hurts worse.
“Fuck you, Shame” she says and walks out of the bar with her head held high.
I sit back and cringe, knowing fucking TMZ probably heard that shit.
Fucking well played douche-bag. Well played.
I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.
Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.
Kate Bush
Chapter Twenty Two
Cassa
I could hear Roni, Carrie, Candey and Tayla fast on my heels as I made my way out of the bar, a mantra of ‘I will not cry. I will NOT cry!’ on repeat through my mind.
“C’mon, C’mon.” I say as I feel my eyes start to burn. I am only maybe twenty feet from my car when the first tear spills over. God, I am a ball of anger, hurt and complete and utter confusion. By the time I’m at my car, my tears are falling freely, against my will. “God Dammit!” I cry as I try working the FOB.
“Cass!” I hear Roni yell as she breaks from the rest of the girls, her pregnant belly being supported by her hand as she runs in her flip flops toward me. Scared she will fall, I yell back.
“I’m fine, okay? I don’t need you running and your water breaking because I am a cry baby.” I laugh through my tears.
“Then wait a minute, will you!” She yells back now kind of hopping in a run as the pavement of the parking lot becomes loose gravel for additional parking.
Those fucking bitches, Right and Left, are probably parked front row, unlike me who came late and got stuck in the very back.
I look up to see Carrie, Candey and Tayla all running now too, in the same awkward and unbalanced jog as Roni and I start laughing hysterically in a way that only a group of girlfriends could laugh at each other.
It is then I realize they are exactly what I need right now.
“Will you please stop, all of you? You look ridiculous!” I yell as I watch them hobble their way over to me. All three were wearing some great stilettos, and walked on ankles that looked about to break.
We are all laughing now as we get into my car. Roni takes my keys, saying, I am too upset to drive. We all laugh harder because we are in hysterics at this point. My heart is an open wound for sure, but right now I give the keys over, because I can’t stop laughing.
We are all still laughing as we make our way to the apartment I share with Candey. Various jokes are made at Ron’s expense, her race to my car, yelling and waving her arm, clearly not supporting her bump.
But as we make our way inside, I stand back watching Candey get out the liquor and shot glasses and Carrie bringing the chocolate out of my bedroom… I break down.
