They laugh and Candey throws a chocolate at my head as we all laugh. I know this is my,“safest”, place to fall. I know here with my girls there is no fear or judgment and it hits me then how deeply I have hurt Roni. “I need to make things right with Roni first.” I say and they both get their phones out to get her over here.
There is no love like the love of girlfriends. I have no sisters to compare the bond to… but it has to be something like this.
*
Cassa
We make our way into the Aloha House and take in the ambiance of the old-school days. However, the line out the door of fans aware of TAT being in the house is completely new. After a tearful apology to Ron, the girls and I got ready for the night and with all my mother hens making sure I looked the part of awesome, we cut the line and gave our names to Ikaika, the owner, who knows us and loves the guys.
I am terrified at seeing Shamus after the fight last night and how things ended, but I remind myself that Shame and I have chemistry and it breaks down everything in our path to meet at the center.
What I wasn’t prepared for, was Shamus sitting at a table surrounded by empty beer bottles, and twofangirls. One on each arm.
“Oh look at that Right and Left are back!” Carrie snarls and cuts straight through a crowd of people to ream Shames ass.
*
Shamus
I see Cassa through the drunken haze, but I’m sidelined roughly, by one seriously pissed off Carrie Beckett, soon-to-be, Blake. “What the fuck are you doing with Right and Left,” Carrie asks loudly. I laugh uncontrollably at the old name sake she once had given somefangirlswho were hanging on Chad.
“Right and Left,” I ask, my voice slurred and again start to laugh. “Right and Left,” don’t treat me like shit”! I look over my shoulder at thefangirls, whose names have either escaped me, or I didn’t care to ask…most likely the latter. “Isn’t that right, Right and Left?”
They make their way to my back side, their laughter annoying!longer interested in them, I roll my eyes and make a shooing motion that sends them on their way. Both grumbling about what a dick I am. I look to Carrie and shrug with no excuse.
Carrie sighs and shakes her head. “Shame, don’t do this.”
“Do what?” I ask with a chuckle. Now, big bad Chad, and nasty Noah, are watching me like I’m a serial killer…god, they are so annoying. Everyone is annoying…accept my Sassy. She’s perfect.
“Then why throwfangirlsin her face if she is so perfect? And seriously, big bad Chad?” She laughs and I realize I spoke out loud. Maybe I should stop the drinking.
“Look, just back off Carrie. I know you women and the voodoo you spin on unsuspecting men. I won't take the blame for her bullshit the last three months. She wants to be mad at me she can tell me why or I can move on.”
“That’s why you think she is perfect and why you’re sitting here drunk off your ass laying it on tofangirlswho are nothing but empty hopeless bitches that don’t give a fuck about you? That’s not moving on Shame.”
“Well… I’m gonna try,” I say, grabbing my beer. I know drunk is the only way I’ll get through seeing her.
“You’ll fail and lose her Shame. She is almost gone now and it’s by her own doing.” Carrie says and shakes her head no and I know her bodyguards are wanting to take her away from me. Fucking psychos, the both of them, when it comes to Carrie. In fact, I’m slightly offended that they want to pretend she is in danger with me.
Fuckers! I decide more drinking will solve the issue of“Carrie Beckett” patrol.
“I can’t fix her. I want to try, but everything I do pisses her off more.” My voice rises and now Noah and Chad are on each side of Carrie but I'm passed the point of caring. “I left. I know it. I fucked it all up and I get it, but I wanted to come back. I wanted to be here with her, but I couldn’t until I proved what I swore I would prove. Fuck him anyway, he died and left me behind like my mom…”
My words tumble out on their own because I don’t care about the crowd that has gathered to hear me blare out my own anger and pain. Cal comes up beside me and calmly taps my shoulder. “C’mon man not here.”
“Cal knows why I left. He was there when I bought the ring. Noah, you fucking know too, because I tossed that fucker as far off the bridge as my arm could throw. None of it matters. He’s dead. Cassa was almost killed. Mom died way long ago. You fuckers think I’m’a hurt Care and really, no one, gets it. rock stars hurt too man.”
Oh fuck my life, I know I’m gonna eat shit, for that one for years. I wish like fuck I had just handed over my man-card to Cal for safe keeping, grabbed my purse and tampons and made my way home to cry it out like the pussy I am.
But oh no…no I’m not that smart.
“I just wanted her to see that I could give her anything she would ever want. I never thought in a million that she would marry a psycho douche-bag… fuckin’ thought she was smarter than that.”
Aaaaand, with that, a gasp so loud it would forever be the loudest sound I will ever hear, came from the lips of my Sass.
“Sorry to disappoint you.” She says, her bottom lip quivering, I swear to God you could hear my heart break at the sight.
You would think that was enough to stop my drunken emotional tirade, but oh no… no I was going for blood.
