Fuck my life.
*
Shamus
I’m exhausted as I make my way out of the taxi cab that brought me to the airport. We are flying home for a four day break and then two more weeks until the end of the PR bullshit. Usually on home days I can’t get from the cab fast enough, let alone the entire flight I bounce my knee in the excitement of seeing Cassa. That’s not happening this time, though.
I’m trying to make sense of what happened last night and I can’t. I saw the pain on her face, saw the shock and the sadness before she slammed shut on me. I wish I could say I didn’t mean to threaten her, to say I would never leave her but I did mean it.
I don’t know what happens when I’m not home. I know that when we are together we are perfect and there are no complaints, but apart, she is frigid and cold and honestly, she’s a bitch… and Cass just ain't a bitch. She has never been able to pull it off, she’s to caring and full of life and love to be outright rude.
How the transformation happens though is a mystery. The minute I leave she becomes this person I don’t know, I can’t reach and it kills me that I can’t reassure her that she can talk to me.
I had hoped that without the physical attraction when we are together taking all thought from us that we would be forced to talk about the last few years and what went on and why we did what we did. I never could get her to even acknowledge we had a past because I was too busy watching my future change from love to hate in front of my eyes.
The guys are waiting for me at the terminal after I make my way through security and I can see the questions in their eyes. We always ride to the airport in a limo together but today I told them I needed to think. We were seriously like chicks at times, the way we were always in each other’s business. But that’s what family does; we carry our broken until they can stand again. Right now my family was pissed they weren’t carrying me and more pissed they didn’t know what was broken.
Chad and Noah were both on their phones, black duffel bags at their feet and sunglasses still on as they waited by Cal who was still half asleep and dressed in his workout clothes. They must have had a late night… it hits me then just how deep I’m in for it. We were supposed to hit Demon’s Pit last night as a final stop in Dallas. The DJ we interviewed with yesterday invited us to a party at the local rocker haven. I was supposed to meet up after talking to Cass but forgot after we broke up… if that’s what we were… fuck I didn’t even know.
I sling my duffel over one shoulder and my backpack over the other and make my way toward them.“Wow, nice to see you buddy.” I say to Cal with laughter because I know they are all hung over. I wish I was nursing a hangover and not my anger and pain cocktail.
“Fuck off douche.” He says, squinting his eyes like it hurt to talk, making me laugh even more.
“I take it the Demons Pit was fun?” I look to Noah and Chad who are both looking at me with a mixture of shock and condolence.
Ah, so news traveled fast.
Should have figured.
“Blast dude. Fuck it was packed with hot chicks in cowboy boots and short skirts. Damn, Texas knows how to breed EM’ sexy.”
I laugh, but it’s not heartfelt because I hear Noah say I just got there and that I look like shit. He says this looking at me and loud enough for me to hear, but Noah is anything but gentle.
I roll my eyes and take a seat beside Cal.“Where were you bro?” He asks and shifts to face me.
“Me and Sass got into it last night.” I rub my hand over my chin and along my cheek scratching against a days worth of growth. “Didn’t feel up to it.”
Cal is the only one who knows about the nonstop fights with Cass and though I’ll be forced to talk about it when the ‘sisters’ are off the phone, I decide to play it off.
“You ask her what her deal is yet?” He asks but his head is rolled back, eyes closed.
“Yeah, that’s what the fight was about.”
“More than a fight. You guys broke up, really?” This is Chad piping in and Noah is beside him. They both lift their sunglasses simultaneously and I can see the red eyes of a bad hangover on them both. Fuck how wild was it last night?
Now Cal is sitting up and looking at me with the same sad half drunk eyes as Noah and Chad.“What? You broke up?”
“I guess so since that’s what you girls heard and you probably know more than me.” I say this jokingly to Noah and Chad.
“Dude, I knew shit was bad, but I never thought you would break up.”
“Shit was bad?” Noah asks and I want to punch Cal right now.
I sigh and cup my hands over my face because emotion is bad enough when I’m alone in it… worse when these fuckers feel the need to talk it out. Give me others emotions and I can deal, but when it’s me, I’mno bueno.“It’s been strained.” I say pointedly and look for Cal who nods rolling his eyes. “But last night things kind of came to a head and… I didn’t know if it was a straight up break up… but now… I guess so… yeah.”
Luckily for me the announcer came over the speakers telling us our flight was now boarding. I only had maybe ten minutes before all the sisters started in on me. We were booked first class on this flight and we were booked in a four seater alcove in the front of the plane.
Family time was happening if I liked it or not.
