It was in that moment I knew we still had the fire in us. I knew the spark would always be there, but our fire hadn’t gone out. This moment of silence that spoke louder than any words proved that.
A rush of heat came over me, a need to be with him, under him with sweat and tears and passion unbridled.
Shamus must have felt it to because his eyes went dark, flooded with the passion I was feeling. Is this how I could comfort him too, with my body? Shamus made no attempt to fondle or touch me, just silence, deafening silence and a need so strong it had a Richter rating.
Now or never was all I thought, scared to death that I was misreading the signals and he would deny me when in truth I could see it plain as day, as if he had just admitted it to me. I felt it, between us and in the air I could taste the eroticism and knew he would answer my need with his own.
I stood from the bed and faced Shamus. This was all I had to offer him, my way of proving I was here for whatever he would offer. It wasn’t just sex, it was just Shamus. I needed him and couldn’t deny it. I could show him my pain without saying a word. He would see my sorrow, my suffering but most important, he would see my survival. I wanted this just as much as I needed it. I looked at him not breaking concentration and took my jacket off, then my hooded sweatshirt. Shamus caught on quick when he watched as I freed my breasts from the satin and lace confines. Next were my jeans and panties. I was before him, naked and exposed showing him all of me in the most expressive way I could. This moment was louder than words ever would be. I was doing what I feared most. I was letting Shamus back in.
*
Shamus
I watched while Cassa slowly undressed before me, letting me see what she had been hiding all along. I didn’t know what she was proving but I knew it was huge and just seeing her soft skin now covered in ink it undid me. Her body was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen, she was devastating to look at; even as she tried to hide her scars. She was unaware and utterly clueless that, to me, she was flawless. I watched as the satin panties fell to the floor and did what came natural, I went for my belt. My cock was hard and burning, burning to be deep inside of this woman before me. I reached beneath my boxers and stroked pumping once, twice unable to breathe as I watched her crawl up the bed and reach for me.
That image of her before me will be burned into my brain and I hope like fuck it’s what I see before I die. I swore she could never be more perfect than seeing her outside debating to come to me or not. She had been biting her lower lip, both hands on the wheel and her curly hair waseverywhere like a mad mess the rain had attacked. She was so beautiful but seeing her now, before me like an offering from heaven, she was breathtaking.
She laced her fingers around my cock, admiring the wet drop on the tip as she rubbed her thumb over and around the blunt fat head of me. Then she bent her head and took me in to her mouth where my brain fried out. She rubbed me over her tongue and deep into her throat, and then slowly sucked her way back up to the tip, lingering at the head where another drop danced over her tongue. She foundher rhythm, the rhythm that I had taught her how to touch me . All these years and she still knew what I liked.
In deep wet strokes she bobbed her head and she stayed on all fours with her ass in the air. She used her hands to pull my pants open more and then over my ass, taking my boxers with them. She removed her mouth from my cock long enough to strip me fully, but my mind was on auto pilot. I was scared to move because anything could break this moment. I sat forward to pull my shirt over my head when her fingers were clawing at the hem of my shirt. Without a doubt she wanted me naked. When Sass came back to find her place at my cock I leaned back and tangled my fingers in the back of her hair, guiding her back to more than just my dick, but to my heart, to every memory of us together here…speaking without words.
Cassa moaned at the feel of me guiding her. I knew that moan and it sent chills through my body. I loved guiding her, directing her against me. I loved the feel of the pressure each movement each tug making it impossible for her to move away. I couldn’t hold back from my hips pushing me into her hot mouth.
I was so close I wanted to rupture and shoot down her throat, the image taking me there immediately. My thrusts got faster as did my breathing when I pulled back from her mouth and clamped down on the vein controlling my cock.
“I can’t Cassa, I’m gonna blow baby.” I watched her reach for my hand and pull it free. “Cassa, I can’t-“
The words were lost when she took me back into her mouth with a vengeance. She reached for my hand and tangled it back in her hair, making the pulse thicken and my balls grow tight. She pumped me with her hand and pulled back keeping her eyes locked on mine. “I want to Shame.” She said simply and shifted so she was to the side and swallowed what she could of me.
I felt the orgasm come on like a storm, rolling in slowly then finally erupting in madness. I wanted to be inside of her marking her, but my conscience had me shifting and pulling back from her mouth where I exploded against my stomach. Little streaks of pearly white clashing against my tan and inked skin. I saw Cass through the slits of my eyes, confusion and pain on her face. Neither of us had said a word since she walked out of the studio and her words had been that she wanted to feel and taste me in her mouth. A sweet and selfless request from any woman, even sweeter from Cassa and I denied her.
Cassa dipped her finger on a drop of my semen her eyes never leaving mine. Like the silence between us this entire time I read her confusion clear. I looked away and kept my gaze on the ceiling, both my arms now folded beneath my head. I hated that I couldn’t connect us that way, God knew how hard it was to pull back, but I wasn’t the innocent lover I was two years ago.
Not wanting to break the moment with unanswered questions followed by silent answers, I rolled until she was beneath me. I crawled up her body before leaning back on my knees palming them open with my eyes still locked on hers. That split second of guilt had cost me more than I thought. When I was looking at the ceiling, I washer focus and desire. I forgot that my Sassy was in there buried beneath somefucktardsabuse. I was with Cassa Rae right now and I could see her insecurity even through her need.
I took her delicate hand in mine and brought her fingers to my lips, kissing each tip individually before linking our fingers and tracing the crease of her thigh. The small sigh that escaped her red lips made my stomach drop in excitement.
It was my turn to sigh next when she took the lead and guided our fingers closer to the slit of soft petal skin between her legs. This had been my heaven, my safe place for years and I walked away from it like a fucking idiot. I couldn’t help the hope blooming in my chest that maybe I still had that glimmer of hope that meant we had a shot.
Her fingers still linked with mine, parted her lips and then she was stroking against her core and I swear I saw God.I let her set the pace, let her pull me along on this amazing ride where we rediscovered her body together. I placed my hand over hers and stroked at her clit, swollen and hard; puckered with need. I used my other hand and entered her with a finger then two. She was burning alive hot and wet.
I couldn’t take it, she was killing me. The most soft and delicate place on her body and she was letting me in all while her eyes never left mine. I could see the need, see that it wasn’t enough. I knew that this was about testing our belief in one another, knowing what we both needed other than forgiveness and that was trust. She was trusting me to please her and take her to that place I knew fucking damn well only I could take her too.
It made me feel like a champ knowing I was that guy. She didn’t tell me so, she didn’t have to. I see it every time I look at her, I feel it with every touch. I’m that fucking guy for her, the one.
It.
All.
Forever.
I wouldnotit up this time.
I unlinked our hands and knew that for her to trust me I had to remind her of how deeply I could love her as well as I could fuck her. I skimmed down the end of the bed, hooking my hands around her hips and brought her to my face and breathed in the sight and smell of my girl.
And all control shattered.
The silence between us vanished and I lost the ability to be smooth and sweet. I had been so desperate and hell bent on showing her what we could have. Where my mind and heart were now is the true blue feelings I have for her. They are raw, they are vital and they are tearing me apart.
