I met Corey just over a month ago and though he isn’t you, he loves me just as hard and he wants this baby and me like he wants his next breath. Corey knows who you are, who you were to me before TAT made it big. He thinks this baby is his and the saddest part of that is I would rather him think it was nobodies than to ever think it was yours.
He would probably leave me too.
So I will marry Corey tonight, he will hold our baby and think it is his and he will never feel trapped by me or this baby. He won’t leave me behind and turn his cheek when changes come.
I however will look at our baby and see you, every day for the rest of my life and that will be my punishment.
There will never be a day that I don’t love you Shamus. I will hold our baby, love our baby and maybe one day if the anger doesn’t consume me, then I will let you meet our baby.
I don’t love Corey, not the way I love you but I love myself and this baby enough that I will live this lie and suffer for it every day.
Sassy
At the last word, her signature of ‘Sassy’ I dropped the filthy paper.
I needed my girl.
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
A Great Big World
Chapter Eight
Cassa
I sat on the patio chair and cried. I had finally said it all out loud to the one man I had loved for what seemed like forever. What I didn’t say, he had read in the letter that marked my fate. I wanted him to understand. I was so lost and alone I just wanted so badly to fill the void he left behind. I had no idea the mess I would have made of my life. I needed him to forgive me, though I wasn’t sure if the situation was reversed I could do the same. I saw through the blinds that he had set the letter down and any minute now I would hear the door slam.
But then he stood before me staring with sadness in his eyes.I stood to meet his level when he dropped to his knees before me. I was stone still when he gripped my jeans in one fist, the other working the button of my jeans. I tried to pull away, fear creeping in as he tried to expose what Cory had left me with. “Please don’t look Shame.” I begged with a plea of torment.
Shamus worked frantically like a man possessed to see what I was hiding. A strangled cry left my throat when he exposed the tender skin.
*
Shamus
I felt the earth shift below my feet when I came face to face with her scars.
“Oh baby…” I dropped a kiss to her hip as tears choked me. “I’m so fucking sorry baby.”
They were jagged and messy as if Cory's sole purpose had been to make it impossible to put Cassa together again. They were deep red and swollen, raised from her skin like ropes of agony and searing pain. They would be impossible to miss if she hadn't enlisted a genius to try and hide them. Even with Noah’s gentle hand they were easily seen if you were looking. I was looking, killing myself and her because of the need to see and feel what another man dare do to my girl.
Cassa fought to free herself from my touch. My head still rested upon her stomach while I traced my fingers along the jagged scars.
She clawed at my arms, her tears rolling fiercely. "PleaseShamus, let me go." She cried when I looked up to her face. I pulled her tighter and spread her jeans further open. Then as soft as a feather, I kissed her scars.
Tenderly as I could with shaking hands, I gripped the back of her jeans, scared she would disappear. "Oh God Sassy...." I choked on the tears hidden behind my eyes and lay my head against her tender, hollow womb.
"Sssh" Cassa said running her fingers through my hair. She had agonized over her scars. Mike and Roni had cried at her bedside, as well as Noah and Carrie and Candey. Jerry had gone crazy learning the truth of the night she almost died. Her story was old news to everyone they loved, but to me it was fresh and agonizing. Tears were falling between us but I knew she was there with me, afraid to break the closeness. I stayed holding her, my Sassy, my baby in the freezing cold air and on my knees where I should have always been.
*
Cassa
