“Nothing’s wrong,” I say, avoiding her eyes.
She cups my face, forcing me to look at her. This is it. I need to do it. Rip the band aid off. But knowing how much this will hurt her kills me. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to leave her and our unborn baby. I have done everything I can to get out of this deployment, but my hands are tied. The only saving grace is knowing this will be the final time I have to leave them. I just pray my feet stay lucky for one final time and I get back to them safely.
“Noah, please, what’s wrong?” she asks, stroking her thumbs across my stubbled jaw.
I match her movements, cupping her face and pressing my forehead to hers. “I have to go away.” My words are barely a whisper, and she flinches.
“W-what do you mean?” he stammers.
“They need me for one last trip. It’s something we have been working towards for a long time. I tried to get out of it, believe me, but I…” She pulls away, giving me a haunted look that slices through me.
She shakes her head. “No, no, you can’t.” Her lip quivers.
“I’m so sorry, I don’t want to go, believe me,” I tell her, my tone desperate, needing her to believe me.
“How long?”
I sniff and clear my throat. “They said to prepare for six months,” I admit. She gasps like the wind has been knocked from her and covers her mouth with a shaky hand. I have never hated my job or myself more than at this moment.
“No, no, I can’t do this,” she says hysterically, throwing back the comforter, climbing out of bed, and pacing the room. I’m up and beside her, trying to calm her.
“Hey, hey, baby, listen to me. You can do this. We can do this.”
She shakes her head rapidly. “No, no, I can’t, Noah. I can’t do all that again. I can’t do this alone, I can’t be without you. I can’t…” Her voice breaks, and she sucks in a sharp breath. “I can’t say goodbye to you, not knowing if I’ll ever see you again. I can’t do that anymore. Not now, not now we have…” She places her hands over her swollen belly and closes her eyes. “Her.”
“I know, darlin’, and I don’t feel like I can either, but my hands are tied,” I say, defeated.
“How long have you known?” she demands angrily.
I stay silent.
“How long, Noah?” she screams, and I flinch at her words.
“About six weeks,” I say, the words leaving my throat on a pained breath. My entire body thrums with pain, with the agony I am putting her through.
“What? Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve been lying to me for weeks. You said everything was going to be fine. You said youwere staying,” she yells, stepping away from me, heading for the door.
“I’m sorry, I…” She holds up her hands as a barrier between us, and I panic.
“I’m not doing this,” she declares, reaching for the handle, but I slam my hand against the wooden door as she tries to wrench it open.
“I can’t let you go. We need to talk about this.”
“Noah, let me go.”
My stomach twists in agony. She can’t leave, can’t walk away.
“I can’t. Please let me explain.” My voice sounds strained.
“Noah, move, please.” She sobs, and the desperation in her voice has me moving and I watch as she flees feeling like I’ve lost her. I broke my promise. I told her I’d never leave her, and here I am leaving her when she needs me the most.
Chapter Fifty-Seven
Tori
I run out to the backyard, barefoot, chest heaving, the breeze whipping through my hair. I run towards the woods and keep going until my head feels light and my chest burns with exhaustion. I collapse to the ground, leaning against a tree and wailing into the empty space, my heart shattering.
In some sick twist of fate, I have found myself right back where I started—saying goodbye to the man I love.
